Well, I've nothing exceedingly interesting to talk about. So here's a little conversation Fiend and I had a couple days ago:
A Dinosaur: Well, it is a rather main point
Fiend: You think that just because you're a Navy SEAL you know everything, don't you?
A Dinosaur: I can kill you with my shoelace
Fiend: That's exactly what I'm talking about, honey. Ever since you joined the SEALs, things have been different.
A Dinosaur: You just don't like how I can kill you with everything we own
Fiend: And you've stopped cooking, and you've been wearing that scuba gear for the past 2 months.
A Dinosaur: It's slimming
Fiend: No, that's just because you've been living entirely off of field rations the last 2 months as well.
A Dinosaur: They're so convenient
Fiend: You slit the mailman's throat with that huge knife you're always carrying.
A Dinosaur: He was a spy
Fiend: Mr. Reynolds? He's been delivering our mail for the past 10 years!
A Dinosaur: Exactly around the time the Cold War ended. That's a little suspicious, I think!
Fiend: What, are mailmen more likely to be spies after the Cold War?
A Dinosaur: He was obviously former KGB
Fiend: His last name is Reynolds.
A Dinosaur: So? You changed your name to Spago McFrenchy
Fiend: No I didn't! You just started calling me that one day. After the 1st month I just stopped asking you to stop.
A Dinosaur: Oh...right. But that was so they wouldn't find you. It was for your own safety
Fiend: So who wouldn't find me?
A Dinosaur: The Russians
Fiend: But I don't know any Russians.
A Dinosaur: You would if I hadn't had the foresight to change your name
Fiend: But you didn't change my name! Every still calls me by my real name, you just insist on referring to me as Spago McFrenchy
A Dinosaur: You are so ungrateful. Most husbands wish their wives cared enough to protect them from Communist spies
Fiend: No, actually, I've brought this up with my buddies, and they all agree that you've gone off the deep end.
A Dinosaur: Your buddies all think Cuba is heaven. Your buddies are all morons
Fiend: They've said nothing of the sort. Not even Sanchez.
A Dinosaur: Spago, you play poker with a guy named Che.
Fiend: No, i play poker with Sanchez, Edward, Bob, and Reynolds. Until you slit his throat.
A Dinosaur: It was self-defense.
Fiend: The man was 86 years old and half blind!
A Dinosaur: That was part of his disguise
Fiend: Let me guess, you thought that his hip surgery was part of his disguise too?
A Dinosaur: That wasn't hip surgery, you idiot. He was going in to get a tracking device implanted
Fiend: I performed the hip surgery myself!
A Dinosaur: You're not a doctor! You work at the Safeway
Fiend: I am a surgeon. That’s why we have these nice things. Nice things that you've been breaking quite a bit lately, what with your "training" that you've been doing.
A Dinosaur: I can't believe it. They've brainwashed you
Fiend: No one's brainwashed me! One day things were fine, then you disappeared for a week, and came back as a Navy SEAL!
A Dinosaur: You just can't handle a strong woman. That's what all this is about. You resent me
Fiend: I don't care that you're strong. I just wish you'd stop killing such nice people.
A Dinosaur: He was working for the enemy
Fiend: the US postal service is the enemy?
A Dinosaur: He doesn't work for the postal service! He works for an underground socialist movement
Fiend: But he delivered our mail. If he were part of some conspiracy, where did he get our mail?
A Dinosaur: Okay, you're a civilian so I won't get angry with you for not understanding. He took a position at the postal service
A Dinosaur: They thought he was harmless
Fiend: what makes you sure he was part of some soviet movement?
A Dinosaur: I intercepted intel
Fiend: You've gone mad.
A Dinosaur: I have not! It was written in Cyrillic code on the back of the Victoria's Secret catalogue!
Fiend: Have you seen the cat?
A Dinosaur: Mitsy? Yes
Fiend: Where is she? I just realized I haven't seen her since Thursday
A Dinosaur: She's upstairs on the bed
Fiend: No she's not.
A Dinosaur: Yes she is. I painted her to match the sheets so the Russians couldn't get her
Fiend: I don't think there are Russians in our bedroom, and if there are, I don't see what interest they'd have in our cat.
A Dinosaur: I think it's obvious that they could kidnap her for ransom
Fiend: But we both hate that cat and the world knows it.
A Dinosaur: You hate Mitsy?
Fiend: With a passion.
A Dinosaur: You always loved Mitsy! ...You're not really Spago, are you?
Fiend: No! I'm not Spago! There is no Spago!
A Dinosaur: You're a spy! I knew it!
Fiend: Dear. I'm not a spy. I'm not even sure what's going on.
A Dinosaur: You were working with Reynolds
Fiend: No, I work at the hospital. Reynolds worked for the post office before you brutally murdered him.
A Dinosaur: You work at the Safeway. Which everyone knows is run by commies. I should have guessed this sooner
Fiend: We don't even have a Safeway in this town
A Dinosaur: It's the next town over and you know it. You're the manager of the bakery
Fiend: First you kill the mailman, and then you paint the cat, now you think I work at Safeway? When will the madness cease? WHEN WILL THE MADNESS CEASE?
A Dinosaur: Don't yell at me! I can kill you with that tea cozy!
Fiend: Tomorrow I'm taking you to the psychiatric ward for an examination.
A Dinosaur: What, is that code for your pinko commie holding tank? You're going to brainwash me
Fiend: You're delusional.
A Dinosaur: I am the best damn Navy SEAL there is
Fiend: I called the Navy office yesterday. They have no record of you on file.
A Dinosaur: They can't just give that information out.
Fiend: Sure they can, they give me peoples’ addresses all the time.
Fiend: In fact, they gave me contact information for someone else just because they felt bad about not having you on file.
A Dinosaur: ...they're not really the Navy!
Fiend: Then you should go trash their place.
A Dinosaur: I did that yesterday
A Dinosaur: I filled their office supplies with C4
Fiend: Where did you get C4?
A Dinosaur: I'm a Navy SEAL
Fiend: that doesn't answer the question.
A Dinosaur: I'm not telling you. You're working for them
Fiend: And at this point you kill me and our brilliant one act play is done.