To: Verizon
Re: Our Previous Correspondence

Dear Sirs;

I must apologize sincerely for my letter of 5-12. I have come to realize that the entire situation is, indeed, all my fault, and I wish to repent of what are obviously grievous sins against humanity. After having wracked my brains for the past several days trying to come up with some sort of explanation for your wantonly cruel and heartless behavior, I have come to the conclusion that I must, in some ineffable way, deserve this punishment. I have realized that it is impossible for me to be treated in such a way without having brought this horror down upon myself. I am so, so sorry. I humbly beg your forgiveness and ask that you, in your benevolent omniscience, see fit to connect my phone service some time between now and the third of April, 2016. I now see that I am to blame. I now see that you were holding up five fingers, not four. Please accept my apology and allow me to abase myself upon the altar of your perfection. May God and all his angels bless the phone company forever and ever, amen.

Sincerely,
Worthless, Servile Peon (Customer # 63793330002).