Dear Verizon (all employees, contractors and subsidiary companies thereof),

May your children be taunted on playgrounds. May your pets play in traffic and your blood cease to clot. May your offspring wed Mets fans. May surly anteaters torment you early on Saturday mornings. May lead-based paint flake off into your morning coffee. I fail to understand how exactly your repetition of the phrase "this is the way it has always been" is meant to be either an explanation of, or an excuse for, your utter inability to be at a designated place at a designated time. I'm not quite sure what the technical term is for a person so unnutterably stupid that the concept of "I work till 5, please don't come round till after 5" is impossible to understand. I fail to comprehend how exactly 2:30 is _almost_ 5. In exactly what dimension of space-time do you operate? For exactly what purpose did you need me to be there to point out the large, technical looking metal box on the side of the apartment with the big note that said "Verizon" on it? Did I wrong you in a previous life? Are the events of the past week merely karmic retribution for past evils so dire that I have repressed all memory of them? I honestly cannot decide whether I think you are all terminally stupid or just cruel, vicious, vile, small-minded, capricious wage-slaving wankers. I would tell you that you're all going to hell, but you wouldn't be able to find it and by the time you got there it would be closed anyway.

In other news, I now have tv. So Comcast is off the hook.
There is other news but I'm feeling far too vitriolic to chat about it.
Oh PS, there was that one Verizon woman I spoke to on Day Three of the Debacle...you were really nice. You know who you are. Consider yourself exempt from my wrath. Well done.