Oh, Jeebus

Lish: http://www.metafilter.com/75267/Collaborative-handwritten-Bible-created-across-America
oh, do let's go!
Cara: ...can we make up verses?
Lish: that's what i wanna know
Cara: Because I have a few things to say about Isaiah!
Lish: and in the beginning, there was Lish
Cara: heeee 'No, seriously. Are you calling Jesus a LIAR?'
Lish: "and the LORD spoke to Elijah, saying I do believe that is rather the nicest hat I've ever known"
Cara: heeeeeee
Lish: "now I am going to smite you for NO RAISIN"
Cara: 'And Cain said unto Abel, I am taking my ball and I am GOING HOME'
Lish: "and lot's wife looked upon the ruins of her home and yea verily did speak and say, this is why we can't have nice things"
Cara: And Job looked to the angel and he did tilt his head and ask, 'REALLY?''
Lish: heee
and the angel did say....er yeah, sorry about that, but I have some lovely antiquarian books you could purchase
Cara: heeee
Cara: And Jesus looked upon the twelve apostles at the last supper and did say 'One of you will betray me' and they did all look around nervously, and Jesus did say 'So we have to play 20 questions one more time before I'm crucified'

Another Childhood Game is Irretrievably Corrupted

Cara: Okay. 20 questions, but we can only play ONE game and I get to pick the thing that you guess what it is
Lish: one game means one for each of us
Cara: No
Lish: otherwise it's only a sad half of a game!
Cara: That's one ROUND
Lish: but don’t you want a nice ROUND game?
Cara: No
Lish: otherwise...why, you'd have some sort of a rhombus! Fine.
you may proceed
Cara: I'm thinkin'
hmmmmmmmmmm
Lish: bitchface
Cara: Okay, got it
Lish: avm
Cara: Mineral, I guess
Lish: oh,dear
Cara: more like a Thing, really
Lish: uh
is it a concept?
Cara: no
Lish: imaginary?
Cara: no
Lish: actually exists
Cara: yes
Lish: is it corporeal?
Cara: no
Lish: is it the ghost of christmas future?
Cara: It is not, no
Lish: ..scrooged was on the other night. randomly
Cara: ..huh

Wherein We Inexplicably Girl the Fuck Out

Lish: gah! there's a whole BAND called Caroline~
Cara: Heeeeeee
Lish: pandora just gave me a track. it's TERRIBLE
Cara: Do they..yeah
Lish: it's whiny chick music!
Cara: There you go!
Lish: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I...I feel bad giving you a thumbs-down
Cara: Oh, it's okay. It's not actually me. I don't have a secret life as a whiny chick singer
Lish: ....or DO YOU
Cara: No. I can only take irony so far
Lish: ..your last name is Lufkin? why.....why didn't you tell me? WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING??
Cara: I have a shoppe
Lish: HEEEEEEEE
Cara: It sells ribbons
Nothing else
Just ribbons
Lish: no buttons?
Cara: And those rolls of stickers.
Lish: !
Cara: No buttons are allowed in my store
Lish: you can't anywhere get those rolls of stickers!
Cara: ...except button candy. There's rolls of button candy, too. I call it little circle candy, though
Lish: i want to frequent your shoppe
Cara: I sort of want to live in my shoppe. It sounds awesome
Lish: it really does. does it have big barrells full of candy?
glistening candy?
Cara: It's like the candy store in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but it's got pretty bits of ribbon everywhere
Lish: this...sounds like an oddly feminine thing for us to like
and yet I do
Cara: I know. I don't understand, but I sure do like ribbon

In Which We Explore Causality

Lish: i feel pregnant

how odd.

Cara: huh

Lish: ...huh

could be the burger

Cara: Yeah, that'll do it

Lish: mmmhmm

oh man

i'm going for tibetan food tonight

and i really really want to ask if it's free

Cara: Heee. It's all imported from China

Lish: heeeeeeeeeeee

Lish: i had a glass of water and burped and i don't feel pregnant anymore. this says pretty much all you need to know about babies.

Cara: Heee. I knew you weren't pregnant, because I wasn't on a horse

Lish: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Cara: As is my understanding of how babies are made

Lish: oh man i can see it now

"wait a minute honey, let me just call my sister and tell her to go down to the stables"

Cara: So really, what birth control pills do is keep me off horses, thus preventing me from getting pregnant!

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Lish: no see, you getting on a horse wouldn't make YOU pregnant. as is my understanding, either I or barack obama would have to go to puerto rico to make you pregnant

Cara: No, you or Barack Obama would have to go to Puerto Rico to make me the democratic nominee

I think YOU would have to ride a horse

Lish: so, barack obama would have to get on a horse

Cara: So my birth control pills keep you and Barack Obama from riding horses

Lish: i think we have an excellent understanding of causality

...Let Us Never Speak of This Again.

Lish: what does it mean when people do that thing

you know

with the letters

Cara: Uh

...write?

Lish: motherfucker!

no!

why are you so obtuse?

Cara: heeee. I adore you

Lish: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Cara: Read?

Lish: no!

jesus fuck, ok look

Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

can't...stop...laughing

Lish: when they write that thing down that's like a short way of saying that other thing!

there are TWO LETTERS!

Cara: acronym?

abbreviate?

Lish: SPECIFIC letters

god, it's like talking to a tree

a fucking ELM tree

Cara: What does the other thing mean?

Lish: you know goddamn well what it means!

Cara: Maybe!

Lish: if you think you're going to get out of this by playing dumn

................heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

In Which We Wed a Sitcom

Lish: i was talking to you about rumors that rahm would be tapped for VP and you couldn't see them!
Cara: Sexiest White House EVER
Lish: i know!!! i don't know if i could cope with wanting to sleep with the president AND vice president of the united states, that's not even funny
Caroline: That's like...
That's unprecedented
Lish: i.....
it....it would be fucking.....
Caroline: I'd have to get cable so I could get C-Span

Why In Our Heads is a Terrible, Horrible, Awful Place to Be

Caroline: Dude. I think this guy's last name is Fuhrer
Lish: ??
no way
Caroline: I have to wait till he goes back to the VP's room so I can check it in the sign-in book
Lish: ...wow
Caroline: I'm uncomfortable
Lish: heee. is there an attic there?
Caroline: Though I guess it could be worse. His last name could be Hitler
No!
4:16 PM Lish: shit! do you have your bangs?
Caroline: No! Plus he's already seen me without them
Lish: do you even have paper clips?
Caroline: I have lots
Lish: well OKAY
Caroline: I could...I could make bangs out of paperclips?
Lish: you.......possibly
Caroline: Or..uh Some shredded yellow paper
And tape them. To my forehead
Lish: yes! or draw on regular paper with yellow highlighter
Caroline: Or..what do WASPs talk about?
Lish: golf
Caroline: I could offer him some Wonderbread?
Lish: milk
scotch
adultery
the NYKE
NIKKEI
whatever.
Caroline: Hee 'So I committed some adultery last night. Boy, did I. Scotch?'

I Don't Know Whether our Grasp of Science or Economics is the More Appalling

Alicia: bobby fischer died??
Caroline: Yes
It is entirely too soon for a Searching for Bobby Fischer joke
Alicia: so there's going to be a sequel. Searching for Bobby Fischer. For A Really Long Ti-
heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Alicia: we are such an asshole
Caroline: Indeed
Caroline: ..we have a compressed air feeding system?
Alicia: a what now
Caroline: I...don't know. I just got an email saying they were shutting down the compressed air system feeding the labs this Saturday morning. They get all the fun stuff! They're also isolating the ro/di water loop. I bet that's a slide!
Alicia: do you think there are a bunch of girls in the ducts with cans of compressed air, spraying each other and wearing tin foil?
Caroline: If so, why the hell am I working HERE?
Alicia: heeee
You Are Under-Utilizing My True Skills!
Caroline: Heeeeeeeeeee
'I fly into file cabinets really well!'
Alicia: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
this is why we need to start our own company
i am not certain what service it would provide
Caroline: Amusement
To us
Alicia: but our mirth does not create revenue!
and THAT is what's wrong with this planet