Lish: gah! there's a whole BAND called Caroline~
Cara: Heeeeeee
Lish: pandora just gave me a track. it's TERRIBLE
Cara: Do they..yeah
Lish: it's whiny chick music!
Cara: There you go!
Lish: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I...I feel bad giving you a thumbs-down
Cara: Oh, it's okay. It's not actually me. I don't have a secret life as a whiny chick singer
Lish: ....or DO YOU
Cara: No. I can only take irony so far
Lish: ..your last name is Lufkin? why.....why didn't you tell me? WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING??
Cara: I have a shoppe
Lish: HEEEEEEEE
Cara: It sells ribbons
Nothing else
Just ribbons
Lish: no buttons?
Cara: And those rolls of stickers.
Lish: !
Cara: No buttons are allowed in my store
Lish: you can't anywhere get those rolls of stickers!
Cara: ...except button candy. There's rolls of button candy, too. I call it little circle candy, though
Lish: i want to frequent your shoppe
Cara: I sort of want to live in my shoppe. It sounds awesome
Lish: it really does. does it have big barrells full of candy?
glistening candy?
Cara: It's like the candy store in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but it's got pretty bits of ribbon everywhere
Lish: this...sounds like an oddly feminine thing for us to like
and yet I do
Cara: I know. I don't understand, but I sure do like ribbon
Lish: heeeeeeeeeeee
i would like there to be a frappe counter at your shoppe
Cara: It's also got those huge lollipops that you buy and two minutes later your face is all sticky and you don't want it anymore
Lish: crepe bar?
!!
Cara: And the unicorn horn lollipops that you can't eat the bottom part of without gagging
Lish: ooooooooooo
Cara: ...uh..unless I've been doing it wrong
Lish: HEEEEE
I'll call mur
Cara: Yes. A Frappe/Crepe bar, under an umbrella
...I meant the lollipop bit
Lish: !!!! under a parasol
Cara: I know I've been doing the other thing right
Yes
Lish: where, perhaps, you can sit on an olde-fashioned carousel horse to have your frappe?
Cara: Where else would you sit?
Lish: true, true
Cara: I mean, it's a full-on carousel
Lish: no boys!
Cara: No. There is a sign posted
Lish: an old one with where you can lean out and grab those rings
Cara: And fie on you if you're not wearing a sash of some sort
yes
Lish: five rings, free frappe!
Cara: Ten rings, free crepe
Lish: and pigtails tied with ribbon
Cara: And that dress had better be silk chiffon
Lish: we can never speak of this to anyone. officially it is a Gun and Death Store. with a false facade
Cara: Oh, that's what the outside says
Lish: that is mysteriously always clsoed
closed
Cara: Except 'Gun and Death Store' is spelled out in knives
Lish: kittens loiter there
YES
Cara: Oh, they have their own room. Otherwise they'll shred the ribbon
Lish: like a ball pit, except with kittens. and you sort of ease down into them instead of jumping in, because
Cara: It's in a large, antebellum plantation house
right
Lish: obviously
Cara: Horse rides in the back, if anyone wants to get knocked up
Lish: there will have to be a fountain dispensing strawberry italian soda
HEEEE
pony rides
Cara: I definitely typed that just as the phone rang and answered it laughing
Lish: so if you do get knocked up you'd only give birth to preemies, so less stretching
Cara: Oh, all the strawberry italian soda has Plan B in it
Lish: oh good. sidebar: if I ever do decide to create a person I am SO inducing that fucker at 7 months
but anyway
Cara: heeeeee
It has that swirly floor like in that horrible horror movie except it doesn't kill you
Lish: there will be a side wing with overstuffed settees where you can get your hair curled
Cara: ...was that in House on Haunted Hill or Casper?
Lish: the former.
Cara: Right. That floor.
Lish: and also that secret hallway where it's a stream with rocks and you have to hop one to the next
indoor waterfalls
Cara: And if you're wearing little cotton socks they have to have lace
Lish: obviously
Cara: To go with your Mary Janes
Lish: obviously
and there has to be one room where they just make all the foods they had in little house on the prairie INCLUDING the crackling pork because it sounds so much better than it is, but also mostly candies made out of maple syrup
Cara: Oh, there's a Make Your Own Maple Candy stand
Lish: oh! okay.
Cara: And the option to pour it over snow
Lish: and in the back garden there has to be a bonfire with a big cast iron pot full of fresh made applesauce with cinammon and brown sugar bubbling in it, okay?
Cara: That was going to be an entire centrally located kitchen
Lish: better if it's one a them colonial outsidey kitchens
or it'll get smokey, and also for ambience
Cara: But then the inside won't get the smell
Lish: the smell will waft
through open french doors
Cara: True
That's seasonal. Because I don't want it to interfere with the Lilac and Butterfly forest
Lish: we need things that are encrusted with other things
cupcakes encrusted with fondant.
butterfly barrettes encrusted with diamonds. et cetera
Cara: I imagine that the donut tree will be encrusted with things
Lish: can the lilac and butterfly forest have a japapese ornamental rock garden and fountain in the middle of it? oh do say yes
Cara: Of course!
And the other side has a duckling pond
Lish: and when you make your way through the forest, little pixies, employed by us, hand you a variety of sweet candies
Cara: surrounded by weeping cherry trees
Lish: okay!
Cara: We...um..
we're sort of...
Lish: hats
Cara: covertly really girly
Big straw ones!
Lish: conical hats with that gauze shit draped offa them
both!
Cara: !!
Lish: for variety
Cara: Yeah
Lish: crushed. velvet. gowns
in the autumn
Cara: With those crazy flowy bell sleeves?
Lish: one big room that just has insanely expensive handmade makeup in like, pots, like pots of kohl, pots of crushed face powders
yes
Cara: Oooh
Lish: this has gone from Girlie to Hedonism Bot, but that's okay
Cara: I'm probably actually going to need an entire Renaissance Couture room
Lish: okay!
with one of them giant french 18th century beds
Cara: Oooh yeah
Lish: but with a moderm featherbed on it
modern
Cara: And one of those bathtubs that has the sit-up-in back
Lish: there is a giant walk-in linen closet
Cara: That is also a jacuzzi
Lish: i am thinking, water grotto
Cara: Oh, I was thinking just for this room and the water grotto would be a whole other thing
Lish: oh okay
you're right, I was being narrow
BLACK MARBLE BATHROOM SUITE
Cara: It's a big house, see
Lish: take THAT, EL Konigsburg
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'll mix up YOUR files
Lish: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
statuary
with, obviously, ribbons on it
Cara: And a maypole
Lish: yes
Cara: Because of the ribbons, again
Oh, also one of those swings rides like at the amusement parks
Lish: ice wine fountain
there may have to be an amusement park garden
with a tastefully concealed funnel-cake making machine
Cara: The carousel, the swings, what else?
Heeee
Lish: cotton candy
Cara: That can go inside
Lish: kay
Cara: The funnel cake will come with a variety of colored sugars
Lish: that granular bake-shit-with-it sugar
Cara: Yeah
Lish: that you put on christmas cookies and suchlike
Cara: Exactly
Lish: giant edible gingerbread house
Cara: And some sort of discrete moonbounce
Lish: one room where you walk in and that's just what it is, except that it looks like an antebellum parlor, but you can bounce on it
Cara: Right
Lish: right
chandelier made out of maple sugar candy
Cara: And you're like, bouncing off the credenza
This is the best Gun and Death Store ever
Lish: i know!
Cara: Every so often we'll stage fake shootings outside, so people stay away
Lish: although if it's an antebellum mansion with like, extensive grounds, i'm wondering if the storefront is really going to fool anyone
Cara: ...there's a really big false front
Lish: perhaps we could hire some ne'er-do-wells to lurk outside
Cara: Or..maybe the pixies can do some sort of magic
Lish: let's not go TOO far outside the bounds of possibility
because they aren't really pixies, as this is reality
they are like, little milkmaid girls. except they're mute
Cara: Okay,what we'll have is the fake store, and then a hideous fence
Lish: chain-link
Cara: And then, set back, behind some woods, is the actual house
Lish: good idea
Cara: This is sort of turning into that thing that Marie Antoinette created at Versailles
OH! Lambs!
Lish: there needs to be some sort of mozarella tree
Cara: Lambs with ribbons
Lish: okay
Cara: A Caprese Garden
Lish: and baby llamas
with ribbon around their necks
Cara: Just..baby everything
Some baby martens
Lish: except human
Cara: Baby everythings with fur
Lish: Pine Marten Grotto
no, Pine Marten Meadow
Cara: heeee
Lish: it has to be dappled
with fucking sunlight
Cara: Romp With Baby Martens. Five dollars
Lish: no all this is free, see
Cara: ...how are we gonna pay for all this!
Ribbon doesn't grow on trees, you know
Except for that row of ribbon trees!
Lish: but underneath the complex is a vast collection of machinery which siphons off the happiness of the guests, bottles it, and then we sell that to um...
Cara: Oh, fair enough
Lish: right
I gots it covered
glitter
there isn't enough glitter
But it sticks to everything
Lish: dude, obviously
Cara: Mr. Sketch smelly marker room
Lish: not that kind of glitter, just...be-glittered things
to go with the encrusted things
yes
with Optional Sharpie and Rubber Cement Sniffy Alcove
Cara: Heee
And there will be lace parasols and hand-painted silk fans to carry round the garens
Lish: obviously
Cara: and the gardens
Lish: pancakes
we have left out the pancakes
Cara: There's a crepe bar!
Lish: but that's slightly different!
Cara: Fine. There'll be a French Toast and Pancake Cottage
Lish: thank you.
with a bacon delivery system of some kind
Cara: A bacon conveyer belt runs through the cottage
Lish: ...that is fine
Cara: The belt is actually made out of bacon
You just break bits off
Lish: okay!
Cara: We really need to be rich. Like, Bill-Gates rich
Lish: we really, really do
everyone should give us their money just because we know how to spend it in style
Cara: I mean, sure, he has a trampoline room, but we've taken it to a whole other level
Lish: this place is right on the ocean and there is a fleet of boats right? I mean I assumed but
Cara: Oh, yes
It's in a cove
Lish: !!! we should write to bill gates!
Cara: Dear Bill: Please fund the following ideas
Lish: I bet he's tired of hearing pleas from poor people. 'Oh my leg this, Oh my malnourished son that"
Cara: Melinda can come
Lish: we would be a breath of fresh air
Cara: XOXO, Lish and Cara
Lish: he has a Foundation! we're EXACTLY who he should give his money to!
Cara: Well, I agree
Lish: that's it, I'm sending him this chat
but we'd have to be careful that he didn't see it as some sort of meta-commentary about the evils of materialism or something
“PS Honest”
I reckon a billion ought to do it
No comments:
Post a Comment