Why In Our Heads is a Terrible, Horrible, Awful Place to Be

Caroline: Dude. I think this guy's last name is Fuhrer
Lish: ??
no way
Caroline: I have to wait till he goes back to the VP's room so I can check it in the sign-in book
Lish: ...wow
Caroline: I'm uncomfortable
Lish: heee. is there an attic there?
Caroline: Though I guess it could be worse. His last name could be Hitler
No!
4:16 PM Lish: shit! do you have your bangs?
Caroline: No! Plus he's already seen me without them
Lish: do you even have paper clips?
Caroline: I have lots
Lish: well OKAY
Caroline: I could...I could make bangs out of paperclips?
Lish: you.......possibly
Caroline: Or..uh Some shredded yellow paper
And tape them. To my forehead
Lish: yes! or draw on regular paper with yellow highlighter
Caroline: Or..what do WASPs talk about?
Lish: golf
Caroline: I could offer him some Wonderbread?
Lish: milk
scotch
adultery
the NYKE
NIKKEI
whatever.
Caroline: Hee 'So I committed some adultery last night. Boy, did I. Scotch?'

Lish: get a copy of the wall street journal, quick!
Caroline: 'With a Protestant. Like myself'
Lish: and then sleep with a gardener
you could...you could discuss tweeds
of varying weaves
Caroline: Maybe some houndstooth?
Lish: yes
those beige tweed high heels
what abortions those are
Caroline: Oh. it's Frarer
Lish: oh. how tedious.
Caroline: I know. Think I can get him to change his name now that I'm reasonably sure he won't throw me in an oven? I mean, there's always a chance
Lish: ask him!
Caroline: Okay. But if you find a freckled lampshade in a boutique in a few days, you know what happened
Lish: HEEEEEEEEEEE
4:21 PM Caroline: And it'll have a little red band at the top
Lish: 'gasp!" -what? you want this for the living room? -I....I think this is my sister!
Caroline: HEE. I will give you two American dollars if you do that
Lish: heeee...this is so you, i'd say
oh god. i need to go to a lamp store immediately
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Demand to speak to the manager
'This lamp is my little sister, that's what's wrong!'
Lish: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i needto close my officedoor
Caroline: Then you can hold it up next to your face and say 'Can't you SEE the resemblance?'
Lish: "what sort of discount does your establishment offer for the enlampening of a sibling?
Caroline: 'If you have some soap I'd like to examine it'
Lish: ehheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
4:23 PM Caroline: 'This soap is overly moisturizing! It MUST be her!'
Lish: cantstop laughg
you- are you wearing her shoes???
Caroline: Heee. They'd be red
Lish: dude
Jewstore
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: "do these come in a six?"
by "these" i mean
Caroline: 'They ONLY come in a six'
Lish: that little boy, and
Caroline: heeeeeee
Lish: HEEEE
Caroline: 'This lampshade seems to have some knee problems'
Lish: "and it's too short for me to properly see the tops of anything"
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
“This lamp only comes up to my chin. What a fucking random height for a lamp'
Lish: "where in this catalog is the "chin lamp' section? exactly."
Caroline: And you can say 'It grew as tall as it COULD'
'Plus if you put some boots on it it'll be mouth level!'
Lish: "it comes with this handy set of kneepads, free!"
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: "but what would a lamp need with kneepads?"
"you ask that NOW"
Caroline: 'They get you into pictures, see'
Lish: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
4:27 PM "you want it a bit brighter in here, you have to WORK for it"
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: that's why it's a swivel lamp
Caroline: Aw. Aw. Dude.

[later]

Lish: you have to hear this song, here (link) the screaming is the best part…
There’s just no reason to scream this.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanglo SAXONS
Caroline: Well. Maybe he's a Norman
Lish: he LOOKS like a norman
Caroline: Great. Now I'm gonna be thinking of Ivanhoe all afternoon
I HATE Ivanhoe
Lish: heeeee
i WILL find you
Caroline: heeee
That didn't happen!
Lish: I WILL always confuse ivanhoe with um....that guy
wait wait wait
that guy!
Caroline: ...
Lish: defoe!
Caroline: Oh.
Well.
Lish: ivanhoe...defoe.....ok, this is a problem i have always had
Caroline: The only Ivanhoe movie I know of was made in the 50's. I do not think he was in it
But Elizabeth Taylor was playing a Jew
Which I found hilarious
Lish: daniel defoe the writer, not daniel day lewis
wait, what are you talking about?
Caroline: The movie version of Ivanhoe
Lish: but!
Caroline: First I think of the book and then I think of the movie
Lish: but i was ...talking about last of the mohicans only because it's defoe and i confuse him with ivanhoe. not because it's a movie...wait.
Caroline: And how Ivanhoe is torn between two women despite the fact that he was a fag
Lish: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Caroline: See. That's where I was confused. I thought you were thinking of William Defoe
Lish: I will find you! no matter what occurs! unless i realize i want to have intercourse with men!
Caroline: And I was wondering why Ivanhoe makes you think of that. And I was confused
Lish: .........................you thought i was talking about willem defoe?
Caroline: Yes
Lish: i am laughing too hard to tye[
p
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeee
Lish: bracket
because I...i always quote last of the mohicans when i'm thinking about willem defoe
4:36 PM Caroline: That's why I was confused!
Lish: because there's a frog in the movie that one time, see, and his mouth..
Caroline: I was too busy thinking of the casting process of Elizabeth Taylor
Caroline: Which was probably 'Well. Her hair's brown'
Lish: well she's better than madeleine kahn
wait. not madeleine kahn, we like her. that other one
Caroline: Stow?
Lish: who was in that other thing
yeah, her
stowe, i think, like harriet
Caroline: Yeah, but she wasn't trying to pass as Jewish
heeeeeeeeeee
Lish: but she could, she has the nose
elizabeth taylor has the liking of shiny things
Caroline: There were no Jews in the Last of the Mohicans!
Lish: there could have been!
the working title was Oy, So Few Mohicans Around Here, There Are
Caroline: Which I would probably not go around wearing in a place where the only thing the Normans and Saxons could agree on was beating the shit out of Jews
And then Robin Hood was in the movie
Lish: there were normans and saxons in last of the mohicans?
Caroline: Ivanhoe
Lish: what was ivanhoe about again?
Caroline: Uh. This guy...is..either a Norman or a Saxon and chooses to fight on the side of the king who is..the opposite of whatever Ivanhoe is, so he's trying to help this king get back into power and his father disowns him which means he can't see the chick he's in love with, because his father is her guardian
And then there are some Jews that help Ivanhoe when he gets hurt
And then something else happens
And the Jewgirl gets kidnapped and the Jewdad is like 'You must save her!' and they try her as a witch

Lish: there were jews in britain in the....back thens?
Caroline: And a guard wants to nail her so he's like 'Just confess you're a witch and all will be well and I'll impregnate you!' and she's like 'No way, your teeth are terrible'
Yeah. They were the money holders
Lish: are you sure this isn't Willow?
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Yes
Lish: what DID happen to joanne whaley-kilmer?
Caroline: I do not know
Lish: huh. She dwelled in darkness. Then it went away.