I Don't Know Whether our Grasp of Science or Economics is the More Appalling

Alicia: bobby fischer died??
Caroline: Yes
It is entirely too soon for a Searching for Bobby Fischer joke
Alicia: so there's going to be a sequel. Searching for Bobby Fischer. For A Really Long Ti-
heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Alicia: we are such an asshole
Caroline: Indeed
Caroline: ..we have a compressed air feeding system?
Alicia: a what now
Caroline: I...don't know. I just got an email saying they were shutting down the compressed air system feeding the labs this Saturday morning. They get all the fun stuff! They're also isolating the ro/di water loop. I bet that's a slide!
Alicia: do you think there are a bunch of girls in the ducts with cans of compressed air, spraying each other and wearing tin foil?
Caroline: If so, why the hell am I working HERE?
Alicia: heeee
You Are Under-Utilizing My True Skills!
Caroline: Heeeeeeeeeee
'I fly into file cabinets really well!'
Alicia: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
this is why we need to start our own company
i am not certain what service it would provide
Caroline: Amusement
To us
Alicia: but our mirth does not create revenue!
and THAT is what's wrong with this planet

Caroline: It SHOULD
Oh! I know!
Alicia: what?
Caroline: We'll figure out a way to make our mirth generate electricity!
Alicia: yes!
how
Caroline: Uh
Alicia: one plus two....plus two...plus one..
Caroline: You see, you take a wire
And..a
a potato
maybe
Socks on a carpet?
Alicia: while carrying salycylic acid face treatment and eating a potato, see
and the tin foil hats are conductors....
some sort of tupperware can be used to store the resultant electricity
Caroline: hee!
Oh. I know. We'll get a bunch of cats and a bunch of comforters. We could get a cat.
Biff zaps herself every time she touches me
Alicia: we'll sell the electricity cheap to poor countries and then foundations will give us grants because we're charitable
Caroline: Because she rolls around on the comforter
Yes
Alicia: ok, does biff eat potatoes? this is important
Caroline: She
If I wanted them she'd stick her face in them. Does that count?
Alicia: how much static current does her face-sticking involve?
Caroline: None. It's the lying and rolling around on the bed and then coming over and nuzzling me
Alicia: ok so what we do is
we wrap her in potato skins and then you sit on the comforter
with tin foil on your head
holding a tupperware thing
and i'll narrate
and then
Science Ends
Caroline: heeee
I think we're missing something
Alicia: we need more Science
oh!
I have some blue things
Caroline: Wires. We need wires
Alicia: blue wires
Caroline: Yes
Alicia: should we just sort of hold them?
Caroline: Don't we need to close the circuit?
Alicia: was it open?
Caroline: Aren't they open unless you close them?
Alicia: ok, you put one of the wires in your mouth
Caroline: I..
Alicia: and we put the other end into um
Caroline: YOU put one of the wires in your mouth
Alicia: no!
I'm Management
Caroline: I'm on strike!
Alicia: plus you have a bigger mouth, leading to greater conductivity
Caroline: I do not!
Alicia: whatever. you'd be a scab and you KNOW it
you live to cross picket lines
ok wait wait
Alicia: who has more fillings?
i have 4
Caroline: I have none
Alicia: fuck, really?
Caroline: I win!
Alicia: ok, so I put one end of the wire in my mouth
you have no cavities? really?
Caroline: Nary a one
Alicia: what toothpaste do you use?
Caroline: Arm and Hammer
It is strong, like Thor
Alicia: huh. but it tastes like carpet leavings
Caroline: It tastes like mint!
Alicia: it does fucking NOT
Caroline: It does
Alicia: it has a residue
we're getting sidetracked
Caroline: The residue washes away onions
Alicia: ok wait
so I put the wire in my mouth
at this point you should maybe sing a short song
Caroline: About apples?
Alicia: and we put the other end of - apples would work fine- the other end of the wire into a potato
that has a face drawn on it and corn holders for arms
how do we get the electricity into the tupperware?
Caroline: Doesn't closing the circuit mean there's a circle of some sort?
Crazy straw
Alicia: oh ok wait
circle? so we just touch the ends of the wire to each other?
but then they would somehow have to pass through my mouth and the potato idol
Caroline: So you put the other side of the wires in your mouth
Alicia: ok
so we run it through the potato idol
and i also have a crazy straw coming out of my mouth?
Caroline: No
Alicia: what color?
oh
Caroline: The..
uh
Alicia: biff
Caroline: Maybe one of the wires goes into the straw? Blue.
Alicia: biff has the crazy straw, because
Caroline: But she's wrapped in skins!
Alicia: and on the comforter, but i'm touching her with my hands, see
Caroline: Should there be a balloon?
Alicia: I thought that was obvious
you have the balloons
Caroline: Oh. Okay
Alicia: around your neck
long skinny balloons
Caroline: Shouldn't I be running them over my hair?
Alicia: after you've done that, you drape them around your neck
so they can...build up a charge, working off of the
Caroline: Science is hard
Alicia: conductivity of your larynx
see? you ARE a superconducting supercaroliner!
Caroline: I don't think that's what those are!
Alicia: they are now.
we could shoot some atoms at you
i have a lot of atoms
Caroline: Maybe we should get a hamster wheel
Alicia: just because?
Caroline: Uh. Have you noticed that our business is starting to sound like PeeWee's playhouse?
Alicia: don't ever say that again.
Caroline: But
Alicia: the walls of our lab will be a tasteful eggshell
Caroline: Will there be a couch?
Alicia: and there is no fucking secret word and we lack penii so cannot publicly jack off. so we're FINE
no
there are tasteful slingback leather chairs.
Caroline: You can't have cats and leather chairs!
Alicia: and a Testing Mattress that contains biff's comforter
she'll be too busy being electrical
Caroline: She's never too busy to shred leather things
Alicia: hey, we should get some electrical tape
it'd encourage the process. I'll wrap you in it
Caroline: We could tape the straw to the tupperware with it!
Alicia: that too
but I think you should be wearing some as some kind of bustier

Caroline: uh
Alicia: look, i have a wire in my mouth
Caroline: That's not bondage gear!
Alicia: you can have it under your clothes
Caroline: That's binding
Alicia: but when you pull it off that will create more static electricity
which will only increase our output leading directly to more money
Caroline: Why would I pull it off?
Alicia: when I tell you to
Caroline: ...
Alicia: this is a group effort here
Caroline: But
I'd be wearing it under my clothes
Alicia: what are you doing so far, exactly?
while I conduct electricity with your cat and my wire and my potato?
you're singing a song!
Caroline: AND wearing a tinfoil hat
I'm not STRIPPING
Alicia: that's a passive skill!
you can take it off under your clothes, you just have to take it off
wrap it around your stomach if you must
Caroline: but
Oh, also I have the balloons
Alicia: right
if i can just put the electrical tape over your mouth i'll be satisfied, honestly
Caroline: ..I could stick them in the bustier and fill it out a bit
Alicia: and I know more about Science than you do
Caroline: Then how will I sing a song?
Alicia: oh that's a great idea!
Caroline: You do NOT
Alicia: ok, so you rub the balloons in your hair and then stick them inside your electrical tape tube top
this is the best science EVER, and we're not even in the pool
Caroline: That sounds really uncomfortable
Alicia: science is difficult, caroline
Caroline: heeeeeee
You're not having to rip tape off your skin!
Alicia: I have a wire in my mouth!
Caroline: That's not the same!
Alicia: it's worse!
Caroline: How is that WORSE?
Alicia: also i'll need to have neutrogena on my face, for the salycylic acid, because i think batteries need acid
Caroline: Why don't you just hold the two ends of it together in your hand?
Alicia: because the metal in my fillings is creating Science
Caroline: oh, right
I think they need alkali
not salycylic
Alicia: but that's a base
Caroline: Also, we can store the electricity in potatos
Alicia: you can't have alkaline acid
Caroline: they're called alkaline batteries, is my point
Alicia: ok, so we'll play catch with a baseball while we do this
Caroline: But our hands won't be free
Alicia: and watch basic cable
we'll play catch before we start, to initialize the process
Caroline: Oh
...
you know
The original plan was to make money off our mirth
but most of this doesn't seem fun
Alicia: .....you're running around singing a song while rubbing balloons in your hair and I'm connected to a potato with a face drawn on it
which part ISN"T fun?
also if you are wearing an electrical tape tube top, boys will pay to watch this
Caroline: ..so now there's a webcam?
Alicia: live gallery
we'll make creepy boys leave
although, webcams are Science
Caroline: We'd need bouncers and that would get expenisve
and expensive
Alicia: maybe their use would encourage science to happen
ok, forget the observers
we'll record it and sell videotapes
Caroline: Okay, just as a side note, how exactly is a possible tax rebate check of $800 that will be sent out in June going to help fight a recession?
Alicia: shut up, we're getting cash
Caroline: In JUNE
Alicia: because supposedly people spend it so the money goes right back into the economy but I'm not sure where it came from in the first place, but somehow in the middle there, economics happens
Caroline: But I saw that West Wing, too!
Alicia: look, you. Economics happens, and that's all you need to know
Caroline: But it didn't work!
Alicia: i know it doesn't work but we're getting cash!
Caroline: In JUNE
Alicia: so?
cash in June is better than cash in Never
Caroline: So that doesn't help anyone now
Alicia: it takes a while to print out all those checks
Caroline: I'm just saying, giving someone some money in six months doesn't seem like an effective way to stop something that's going on now
Alicia: also, see, with inflation, if they say now that we're getting $800, by June that'll be like....$1200
plus since they announced it now, we should be able to collect interest on it between now and june
see? economics
Caroline: uh huh