The Club

Caroline: …..Yeah, but I know a ton of people with horrible handwriting who were at the top of their classes
Lish: well there's that too. I slant leftwards specifically and only because i read a thing that said that almost nobody did and i wanted to be contrarian and now it's become ingrained
Caroline: heeee
Lish: this is true
Caroline: I slant leftwards because I turn the paper diagonally when I write
So when I straighten it out, everything goes thusly
Lish: .........so do I!
Caroline: !
Lish: but i do it for ease of leftwardsness. Wait, doesn't everyone hold the paper with the top-righthand corner pointed straight up?
Caroline: ...Apparently not
Lish: ......huh. I learned something today
Caroline: Heeee. Then everyone's writing would slant laeftwards
....leftwards. It's not Welsh
Lish: heeee. i for one am sick and tired of italics always going rightways. it's racist.
Caroline: It is. Let's form a club
Lish: i.....i have
Caroline: And you didn't invite me?
...are there hats? God help you if there are hats
Lish: it's a subset of my Fuck This And All of You club. we meet on tuesdays
Caroline: Today is Tuesday!
Lish: see!
Caroline: Touche

Lish: this meeting will come to order!
Caroline: Is there a charter? Or a song?
Lish: there’s a charter. i can't tell you what it says till your membership has been seconded and carried. the problem with that is, i'm pretty much the only member
Caroline: ..who else is in ..yeah
Lish: which is kind of self-fulfilling. which is how I likes it
Caroline: heeee
Lish: there is a song. i can tell you the song
Caroline: Oh, goody
Lish: oh i can't tell you it HERE. it has to be sung. it isn't allowed, to type the song. blasphemy
Caroline: ...we typed Mandy. Lots of times
Lish: mandy is not Sacred. you can't take something sacred and make it secular. that's called SIMONY
Caroline: Are you sure it's not PIACULAR?
Lish: eat shit, you
Caroline: I guess not. There are no fish involved
Lish: that you know of. there are, in fact, several fish.
Caroline: ...can they vote?
Lish: I can't give you any details about any of these fish.
Caroline: How am I gonna get seconded?
Lish: well, see
Caroline: Can that spoon you always make dance around second me?
Lish: ....you weren't supposed to know about the spoon
Caroline: Hee. That spoon
Lish: I just....hang on
Caroline: Well, I just figured that you'd need some sort of jester. The spoon would work nicely
Lish: the spoon is our comptroller!
Caroline: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: fine, you’ve been seconded. Good luck trying to get thirded.
Caroline: I have to get thirded?
Caroline: Is the Dear Departed Soul of Torpedo Bob in the club?
Lish: emeritus. he can't vote
Caroline: You know...people who hear about Torpedo Bob and Tube! and the spoon would think we created quite the cast of characters in our youth. And not, in fact, five years ago
Lish: shh
Caroline: Uhm. Who else
Mr. Log?
Is he the Approver?
Lish: As a matter of fucking fact. he is. but he's on sabbatical in the Negev so he can't vote this time
Caroline: Hm
Corn God?
Lish: god does not lower himself to vote. god expresses his silent disapproval in various kernel- related ways
Caroline: ...we really shouldn't have played corn baseball, then
Lish: all societies pass through a period of inchoate barbarism and blasphemy on their way to maturity
except the mormons.
Caroline: The mints. Are the mints in the club?
Lish: the mints clean the boardrooms where meetings are held. and they take our coats
Caroline: Uhm...lessee
The Evil Troll Doll you put in the bathroom in the presidents box in Chesire that I took into my room because I felt bad for it?
Lish: unclean!
Caroline: Are the meetings held on the Twister mat?
Lish: the twister mat hangs on the wall, above the mantle, framed. occasionally it is prayed to
Caroline: Hm. I'm running out of characters. Cookie?
Lish: the only disembodied voices allowed in the club are the ones in my head
Caroline: Do you open the meeting with EKA*?
Lish: i can't give you any more details without you get yourself thirded
Caroline: Who else is in the club?
Lish: if i told you THAT
jesus
Caroline: But
Those are all of our friends!
Lish: well that's not entirely true,
Caroline: Well. All of our, you know, Friends
that only we interact with
Lish: that's not entirely true.
Caroline: Ain't no one else praying to the Corn God
Can of Air?
Christopher Walken?
The Gummi Bear Up Cyclops' Nose?
Lish: no, hee, heeeee, and no.
Caroline: uhmmmmmmm
Can I have a hint?
Lish: hints are disallowed by our Founding Documents
Caroline: But we have such rich inner lives. This could take forever
Ball?
Lish: ball is an emeritus, along with Tube! and Torpedo Bob
Caroline: Hee. Pool Toys Emeritus
Lish: i do love the latinate plurals. the plurals latinate.
Caroline: Are they in the club?
Lish: ok see, there's no way you're going to figure this out unless you abandon all logic and immerse yourself in the megalomaniacal clusterfuck that is my brain
Caroline: By that logic the only member would be you and your mirror image
Lish: um
....you're close
Caroline: uh
A photo? Of yourself? With a post-it crown taped on?
Lish: close, but not metaphysically frightening enough
Caroline: A clone?
Lish: ...nine of them?
Caroline: A...Supreme Court of Lish?
Lish: sometimes i want to field a baseball team. ok? fuck you
Caroline: heeee
Lish: we do NOT third you! because of your insolence
Caroline: You LOVE insolence
You want to have little insolence babies
Lish: will they caterwaul? because if so, no
Caroline: That'll be beaten out of them





* Excited Kermit Arms