Dear God,
It's me, Irony. I take back everything I said about you. Remember when I said you were a hideous evil lesbian bitch obsessed with obstructing my every happiness? Yeah, I take that back. Also the remark about the cockroaches. Thoroughly uncalled for. I see that now.
Only one more week and then out of DC forever. Human beings weren't meant to live in this town. You know what they call people who've been here for more than ten years? Cave dwellers. And not in that cute, tangly hair, filthy yet sexy animal skin wearing way. In the grunting, hopping, club-wielding troglodyte kind of way. So it's three months of lying in the pool at home and then back to London and I am in fact so happy about this that I should stop talking about it, as this is a site for bitching. Also I'm so sunburned that it hurts my fingers to type. You know what I saw today? The Sun! Remember that thing? Big, yellowish, warmish, kind of far away, makes it light out during the day? Well it apparently got bored of whatever debauched singles holiday it was off on and finally decided to grace us with its presence. All this rain is horrible and here's why. Southern Connecticut has gotten so bloody verdant it looks like some primordial rainforest. It's so egregiously green that my eyes have fogged over. Any more rain and several species of giant paleolithic fern would probably de-extinctionize themselves. And I don't know about you but I've seen pictures of what some of those ferns looked like, and they seemed a bit carnivorous to me. How ignominious would it be to be slurped to death by a giant plant? Pretty damn ignominious. And also sticky. Which is why I'm so pleased it's finally quit raining.