Drink the Rich

Lish: what’s frontline about tonight?
Cara: The upper east side and the recession! Rich people slightly less rich!
Lish: ok!
Cara: Oh wow I hate all these people already
Lish: yup. i hate them enough to actually put this book down and get to seriously hating them. OH I LOST MY SECOND HOUSE PITY ME
Lish: ...another phone of the same model would be FREE you cow
Cara: 'I don't know how to say it, we don't have any money' she says as she gets highlights in a salon
Lish: ..she just said...she can't afford to get a haircut anymore..
as she....
Cara: But! She's THERE. NOW


You're ahead of me again!
Lish: my PBS is better than your PBS.
Cara: Why don't these people just get...actual jobs? Instead of asking their retired parents for money?
Lish: because they've never had any and they're unemployable
SO GET A JOB
Cara: Oooh Columbia
SO DON'T BE A PERSONAL TRAINER
Lish: maybe not spend $180 on your tacky ass highlights
Yes. it IS embarrassing, EMMA
Cara: Yes. Business school. Lish: yes. business school.
Lish: …..
Cara: heeeeeeeee Lish: heeeee
because nobody has an mba!
Cara: No! Because they're not useless if you don't get one from a top-3 school!
Lish: I hate these people so much I'm turning into a marxist as I sit here
i'm going to get an Eat the Rich bumper sticker and go to anarchist meetings
Cara: YOU ARE A CHILD Lish: YOU ARE A CHILD
Cara: ...
Lish: ohhhkay
I uh. I like the blue on those walls though
Cara: Me too.
Lish: ...ok then.
Cara: They GIVE and they GIVE
Lish: that handbag
Cara: Does this salon only cater to uglies?
Lish: costs about $1000. everyone on the UES is ugly
Cara: Well. They downgraded from their 20K handbag. times are tough
Lish: ...a mom and pop coffee lounge
Cara: Okay, even before the recession don't 80% of small businesses fail?
Lish: yes.
Cara: Isn't this WIDELY KNOWN
Lish: yes they do. huh. i've been there
HAHHAHAHAHAH
Cara: heeeeee
Lish: your crepes SUCK, richie
Lish: they didn't even have Gorilla coffee! I ask you
Cara: heeeeeeeeeee
You opened a COFFEE shop
Lish: so they ....spent more money
Cara: NO ONE has one of those
Lish: i'm totally drunk right now by the way
Cara: It....no. It probably would not have worked out
Lish: is this being narrated by zsa zsa gabor?
they have a breakfast nook in their apartment! they think they're poor!
Cara: I don't know! It's really distracting. It's like how the show about the Medici is narrated by a guy with a ridiculous Italian accent that sounds fake.
Cara: My apartment has AH room!
Lish: OH NOES WE BOTH HAVE TO WORK
Cara: They have a PANTRY
At least when Katie and I talk about being poor and having to wait for a Banana Republic sale we know we're full of shit
Lish: like, I'm "poor" because I just paid for this week's fresh direct, but fuck me, honestly, at least I know it
Cara: Yeah, we are northeast metropolitan college-educated poor
Lish: right.Which is to say, we should go fuck ourselves
But at least we have SELF AWARENESS
Cara: That's our trump card!
Lish: it's my trump card for everything!
I’m a conceited megalomaniacal drunken asshole, but I AM AWARE OF IT
Cara: Yes. Putting 200K on credit cards was maybe NOT SMART
Lish: .....he just said they have 200k in credit card debt?
......OOPS!
Cara: ....
I'm working out, I'm getting a massage once in awhile...
....
Lish: "i just charge it" hah hah hah haha ahah
Cara: This is like the 'Growing Up Online' Frontline they did last year but worse
Lish: ........
Cara: You can afford a gym membership!
Lish: “I'm so broke, I'm always at the gym instead of work”
QUIT THE GYM
I want all these people to have to eat rats for a year
or mcdonalds
Cara: God. Unless it's like Planet Fitness
Lish: same thing
Cara: ...
OH MY GOD
It just gets WORSE
Lish: wait i missed that, what
Cara: He became ill, and as a result, went back to school to study theology.
Lish: ........
like you do.
.......
Cara: ...
Lish: I will fucking kill him
I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM
Cara: Yes. Welfare is exactly the same thing as GOING TO SCHOOL FOR THEOLOGY in middle age
Lish: he....he's making fun of people for using welfare when he's putting everything on his mastercard that he can't pay off??
Cara: I think he's saying he's just as bad off as them
except...not
Lish: Is the POINT of this show is to show us all how horrible and disconnected from reality these people are?
yeah but he’s saying it with a knowing little entitled grin
Cara: Yes. God makes the way.
Lish: GOD will pay your visa bill!
Cara: That's why there's so much credit card debt! Because God gives you credit card knowledge
Lish: you have eaten from the tree of amex!
Cara: heeeeeeeeee
Lish: YOU KILLED ALL THE UNICORNS!
Cara: Wandered in the desert of Costco
Lish: for 40 minutes and 40...darker minutes
let's play a guessing game
how many facelifts has she had? I say three
Cara: Yeah her...mouth doesn't move so well
Lish: look honey, all the money in the world is no excuse for wearing an embroidered cardigan
Cara: STOP SAYING PORSCHE
Lish: ......she had to sell her porsche to cover her medical insura......
Cara: ...
Lish: did she
did she just
I bet she has objectophilia and she fucked that car
Lish: because it was the only thing more plastic than she is
Cara: That's WHY the divorce.
Lish: obviously it was a standard shift
Cara: TOO SOON
Lish: heeeeeee
ok this guy I don't actually hate yet
yet.
Cara: Yeah, he's okay
Lish: oh wait
he was a management consultant?
fuck him in the ear
Cara: construction manager
Lish: this is what you g- oh
heee i heard that wrong
Lish: I am very sorry, sir
you know
hairdressers with bad hair....
Cara: I know
Lish: it's like those orange sephora ladies which like, YOU"RE going to sell me makeup?
Cara: This salon doesn't have a website
I want to know how much they charge for things!
Lish: what's it called?
Cara: It will raise my ire
Lish: de..borah?
Cara: Deborah Hair Design
Lish: let's sleuth it
Lish: wow they really have no web presence
Cara: Maybe they removed it all because of Frontline
Lish: ...honey. I doubt enough people watch frontline to warrant that
Cara: Don't crush my dreams
Lish: I do what I want
LOOK AT HIS HOUSE! That rug alone is a half year of my salary
Cara: I wonder what kind of severance he got
Lish: "I didn't sell my carpets, I'll tell you that much"
Cara: I mean, considering our facilities guys got like 50K when they got laid off, so
Lish: yeah most places, you get ten minutes and a cardboard box for your stuff
Cara: He was an executive, though, so I figured he'd get something
Lish: I know execs who basically got nothing
Cara: Maybe he got that rug
Lish: TURN LEFT
I've seen doctor who! turn left!
Cara: I love the...dramatic reenactment. Of him sitting in his car.
Lish: Ok I honestly feel really bad for this guy
Cara: Me too
Lish: but yeah. the reenactment of him sitting in his car is..
Cara: Yeah, that's Frontline's fault, not his
Lish: agreed.
Lish: write a cover letter
seriously dude
......
he is describing the basic process of getting a job
Cara: I would hope he'd know that, since he was in HR
Yeah, I...
Lish: ok I liked him till he said that sending out resumes was an emotional drain
Cara: I guess things are different from when he started and there wasn't internet
Lish: because uh, welcome to real life?
Cara: Yeah. I send out resumes while at my soul-sucking job. That is like an emotional drain, SQUARED
Lish: ok but presumably after twenty years you HAVE a skill set
so you're bitching about the act of sitting and writing them in a bullet pointed list
bullets are scary!
Cara: Every time Yo Yo Ma comes on this guy gets flashbacks to bullet points
Lish: HAH!!
Cara: He is the Josh Lyman of job searches
Lish: that's the funniest fucking reference you've ever made
Cara: I was pretty proud of that
Lish: you really oughta be
that was gold
Cara: Can I put that on my resume?
Lish: he's reenacting driving again
YES DO IT
Cara: I think he was in the car with Zsa Zsa that time
Lish: do NOT tell me when you expect to hear from me
I have hired two people this year. trust me. do not do this
Cara: Yeah, I never thought that was a good idea
Lish: you will prostrate yourself at my feet and you will take the scraps I give you, Job Applicant
Lish: and you will NOT I REPEAT NOT send me a cover letter that A) is written in comic sans or B) contains the salutation "hey there"
Cara: Dear god.
Lish: you have no. idea.
Cara: Oh, I know
Lish: god this is painful
Cara: All these people look like they're in the 90's
Lish: it's the UES.
they're a bit behind
Cara: I think this is in Danbury, actually
Lish: same thing.
Cara: God, I'd rather be in AA than that group
...
Shut up, you people don't know how to use copy machines
Lish: this is painful
seriously the total destruction of these people's dignity makes me ALMOST forget that it doesn't seem to have occurred to any of them to sell their $30,000 carpets
Cara: ..you put your Twitter on your business card?
Lish: ........
OH GOD THE BLAZER
.....are they all HR people?
Cara: yeah
Lish: is this a meeting for that or is that just.. not a good thing to be right now
Cara: I don't know, our department was the only admin department where no one got laid off. Cause..our department was..deciding the layoffs
Lish: I don't really want to hate on deborah, except for her inexplicable decision to pick the UES for her place. I mean, move to astoria like all the rest of us
Cara: I got no beef with her, except she needs to cut the hair of some more attractive people
Lish: SEE? THAT"S why I hate these people
"it's not supposed to happen here"
Cara: Yeah
I..have to go back to my...second home
Lish: ......
Lish: d'you suppose PBS had ANY kinda agenda by showing this back to back with the crash of '29 thing
Cara: Heeee. Possibly
Cara: God, there's a whole couch available, buddy
Lish: oooooh RUTGERS
Cara: Richie has stupid Jersey hair
Lish: see above
Lish: i really hate landscaping
i realize this is an odd thing to say, but
it's so ....florida golf coursey
Cara: It looks..yeah
Lish: ok we can't make fun of this guy
Cara: God, don't talk about carpenters with dying wives!
Lish: this.....is not the UES
Cara: Shallow UES people need to come back Lish: bring back the assholes! they were way much more fun
Cara: I know! This makes me Regular Frontline Sad
Lish: heeeeeeeee
i like that we now have Ovary Sad and Frontline Sad
Cara: I've ALWAYS had Frontline Sad
Lish: like emotions are so foreign to us that they need to be classified in this way
Cara: Jesus
Lish: christ
stop talking about mike!
mike makes me TWO kinds of human sad!
Cara: You can build me something, Mike!
Lish: ......Ballet Sad? does this make us Ballet Sad?
....fuck it does NOW
Cara: I..It makes me think of Rahm Emanuel?
Lish: …ok no, you're a freak.
Cara: NOW
Because he did ballet
Lish: oh god Cara: Oh dear god
Lish: when Frontline starts narrating about how wrong you are...
That's like Fresh Air telling you you're an asshole
Cara: Yeah, seriously
Lish: I mean, just give up, at that point. there is no hope for you
that's like jim lehrer says "and now, let's meet this cunt"
Cara: That would be AWESOME
Lish: .......oh god
Lish: ........I don't like anything now and I want to cry. i hate frontline