Relevance, Thereof, Lack

Read and Learn, TWOP.

Cara: I just dumped a bunch of rainbow sprinkles into my super-premium ice cream. For I am a grownup
Lish: fuck you
i want iced cream
and a dead kate
Cara: Man. The Island does not agree with Alison Janney
Lish: holy shit CJ needs a facial
Cara: That's not Latin!
Lish: i was gonna say
ok THAT's… not latin. They Hunt For Red Octobered it.
Cara: NONE of this is Latin
Cara: did it say what year this was?
Lish: it did not. but it's latiny times
Cara: Why the fuck is everyone speaking Latin on this Island near Australia?
Lish: coastal flooding!
wow for once that almost sort of was relevant!


Cara: heeeeeee
Cara: You know, you'd think if ANY twin would eat the other in the womb
Lish: they’re brothers!
Cara: I thought we knew they were brothers
Lish: i didn't know that, should i have known that?
Cara: ...I did
Lish: no you didn't
that was never said
unless you're spoiled
Cara: Pretty sure it was said
Lish: it really wasn't
Cara: Maybe I just assumed, because they're so bitchy to each other
Lish: ah well, that's rational
Cara: Dude. Just because he's crying he's evil? He was just BORN, CJ
dude. CJ! Lish: dude! DUDE!
Cara: That...
Lish: WTF was that for?!
Cara: Toby would not like that!
Lish: that seems a bit HARSH
Cara: He, himself, had twins when it was relevant to the script!
Lish: Maryland!
Cara: heeeeeeee
Cara: Maryland!
fucking West Wing Tourette's
Lish: also, don't you think they'll figure out that CJ isn't their real mother when neither of them grows up to be 7 feet tall?
Cara: hmm

Cara: the Boy In Black is obviously evil because he's got that fucking hairstyle
Lish: they both look like they're from Gossip Girl
Cara: God, why is CJ such a cooze?
Lish: yknow
if it's just the three of them on that island
i bet there's gonna be some blue lagoon bullshit going on soon
Cara: ewwww
They weren't RELATED
Lish: one way or another
uh honey
they were brother and sister
Cara: No they weren't
Lish: yes they WERE THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT
Cara: Let me check…….They were cousins
Lish: ...Really? that's lame
Cara: yes
Lish: that's barely even incest! LAME
Cara: I...am sorry it doesn't meet your incest standards
Lish: well but i mean seriously, if you're going to have a giant squickout about incest why go halfway with it
Cara: That is what Hotel New Hampshire was for
Lish: heee. touche.
who the fuck are these guys
Cara: Other others?
Lish: /izzard voice
Cara: The island is not this big!
Lish: i bet it's josh and sam
Cara: No. The men looked competent
Lish: you couldn't even see their faces
Cara: If it were Josh and Sam they'd be squealing about blood and poking at the boar with a stick
Lish: TO GO INTO BUSINESS FOR OURSELVES
SAY IT
ok true
Cara: heeeeeeeeee
and Josh would make Donna butcher it
penises?
Lish: ....they come
hey um, CJ is a bit of a nutjob, huh
Cara: You bashed their mother with a rock! Who are you to talk about the bad things people do?
This music is like Disney-gay
Lish: it is not good
what is that hole?
in modern island terms, i wonder
Cara: They're gonna hide their light in a bushel
Lish: that is not a bushel
Cara: It's the heart of the Tardis!
Lish: hide their light in ....wait what
how does she KNOW this
....i bet Danny told her
Cara: She's crazy and she's got long hair so she's gotta be some sort of psychic lady
Lish: she should have cats
Cara: She probably does, but they keep running away
she totally makes them wear clothes
Lish: matching clothes.
and little kitten mittons
Cara: heeeeeeeee

Lish: hey so
Cara: Why does this movie exist?
Lish: i kind of want to see Human Centipede
Cara: Brian saw it
Lish: just because... seriously ?
Cara: he said after the initial concept wore off it was really boring
Lish: well i figured but that initial concept will take you FAR
Cara: I don't know, he said he was bored after like twenty minutes and everyone in the movie deserved to be turned into a human centipede
Lish: this is our problem with movies like that
i think we identify with the wrong people
like Saw
mostly what i was thinking was "stop whining"
Cara: Heeeee
Lish: and also "stop being american, cary elwes"
Cara: You deserve your lot in life!
Lish: whereas things like that thing about that whale that keeps yelling because it can't find a mate, that makes me CRY
Cara: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Lish: see!
there's this one whale!
for like 20 years!
just singing
and no other whales will come!
it's fucking awful!
Cara: oh my god! That poor whale!
Lish: see!!
Cara: I'll build him a friend!
Lish: they know where it is! I don't see why we can't like build-
see!!
Cara: heeeeeeeeee
Lish: like a giant inflatable whale with a tape recorder in it playing whalesong
Would that be so HARD?

Cara: A Torpedo Bob!
Lish: !!!!
Lish: ...our whole lives may have led up to this, cara
....providing a RealDoll to a lonely whale
Cara: heeeeee. It's not so surprising, really. Oh, show.
Lish: they don't know that's their mom
jacob can't see her!
dun dun DUN
Cara: Follow the nice dead lady, son
Lish: MY BOOBIES
Cara: ...dude.
Lish: heee. Well that IS what she should have said.
i guess they're roman and not greek
Cara: He's like Adam and Eve after the apple, he is
Lish: thank you. i had not picked up on the allegory.
Cara: This show is sometimes not so good with the subtle
Lish: sometimes.
he's awfully quick to believe Random Dead Chick
Cara: I know. He didn't even ask for ID
Lish: or like do that thing where he puts his hand through her side to make sure she's really not there

Lish: I'm kind of on Bad Boy's side here
.......wow, that makes a change
Cara: Me too
Lish: he CARES
Cara: heee. Shocking
Aww, I hope his name is Dark Heart
Lish: oh man
but in latin, so
Cara: At the end of the show, he'll do carthwheels
Lish: darkus heartustus. Carth….wheels?
Cara: ..yes. That's how latin works
Lish: ....it's not?
Cara: ...sure
Lish: atrum pectus
if you want to be a DICK about it
Cara: pectus atrum
Lish: hmm
Cara: I think it's the same rules as French, adjective-wise
Lish: hmm i thought sometimes..... hmmmm
oh so hey what just happened on the show?
Cara: beauty, age, goodness, size go before. Everything else goes after
Jacob said he'd stay with crazy CJ
'for awhile'
Lish: i'm trying to think of something dirty to say about "beauty, age, goodness and size"
Lish: man, you know what'd be so boring? weaving.
Cara: where are they getting all this fucking yarn?
Lish: why isn't she any older?
ok NOW i can mention that he is hot, right.
Cara: Yes. Because he's not twelve anymore
And the Man in Black still looks like Billy Joel
Lish: mmm a little. not as eye bulging and creepy though
Cara: Right
Lish: and he has nice eyes
Cara: Yes. They still haven't said his name, right? Lish: do we know his name?
.....
STOP
Cara: SORRY
Lish: i wonder if it's just a fanwank reveal or if it'll be meaningful.it would be funny if it were, like, jeff
Cara: heeeeee
Lish: Jeff Satan
Cara: The power of magnets!
Lish: or whatever
fucking magnets!
how do they work!
Cara: Mr. Wizard needs to be here for this. Why don’t they just…build a boat?
Lish: aww! they don't even know what magnetism is
bless their little roman socks. Hey,Jacob is kind of a pussy
Cara: So Jacob is just a mama's boy
WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THE YARN
Lish: is she shaving her legs with string and dirt? because...genius
Cara: I think she's just rolling the stuff into yarn on her leg
Lish: man, a half hour of this show just went by with nothing happening
also, oh. that would have been cool
none of this answers ANYTHING
Cara: It answers...uh.
you see
We know what CJ did after she left the White House
Lish: her hair DID get dark towards the end of the last season
Cara: Now we know why
Lish: so that.....answers something.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME DUDE
Cara: So she's like a Pentecostal Christian and he is the atheist child
Lish: that's the turny place!
with the big wheelie thing!
Cara: yes
Lish: ......oh
i did not actually see the wheel before saying that.
for the record
Cara: Okay
laser light show?
Lish: turn light with a wheel
heeeeeeeeee
Cara: Oh, honey
Lish: i'm SPECIAL
Cara: I CARE
Lish: i bet he hasn't been laid in ever. i'd be trying to bend light with wheels too
Cara: He has a better chance than Jacob. At least there are women in the settlement who aren't his adoptive crazy mother
Lish: ...i am feeling CJ Sad
hit him with a rock!
Cara: Here she goes again
Lish: ..........
THIS SEEMS TO BE A THEME
Cara: Or hit the rock with him.That's commitment to a bit, right there
Lish: dude how fucking funny would it be
if......
ok all i got is "if she like, hit MORE people with rocks"
Cara: That...lacked something
Lish: i agree
but
it WOULD be funny!
Cara: First and only genocide committed by rock
Well, she's gotta do something. It's not like she has anything to read
Lish: oh i bet they happened all the time
it's not like they had anything else to do
WOULD YOU STOP
Cara: sigh
I SAID IT FIRST
Lish: i was BORN first. i get dibs on everything
Cara: That isn't true!
Lish: really? point me to something proving that it isn't true

...........that's what i thought.
Cara: Shh. I'm trying to find the ages of the Baldwin brothers
Lish: what the hell does THAT prove? They're all insane and most of them are fundies!
Cara: Oh, cocks
Lish: what did you think that was going to prove?
Cara: I was hoping Alec wasn't the oldest
Lish: idiot. you should've gone with GOB and Michael
Cara: I was looking for..actual people
Lish: for our.......actual argument about something that exists in reality
Cara: ...yes
Lish: at this point i bet his name is like, brother. like he's a bear.
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: WHAT
Cara: David Bowie better be down there
Lish: HEEE
i want wine now
WHO ARE HER
Cara: It's crazy latin wine
don't do it! You can get wine somewhere else!
Lish: from the....wine store
Cara: He's like...Ben
Lish: awwwww
Cara: it's got roofies in it!
Cara: whenever someone wants you to drink something that badly it's got roofies in it
Lish: i really want wine now
Cara: It's Responsibility Wine, Lish. No you don't
Lish: HEEEEE
Cara: Rut-roh
how'd she manage that?
Lish: wait what is that
Cara: How does he become SMOKE
that was the well
Lish: oh
wtf
Cara: and she..torched the place?
what IS she
Lish: i'm kind of confused, here.
Cara: awwww
Lish: this episode RAISES more questions than it answers
Cara: now he'll never be a real boy
Lish: also i'm totally on nameless guy's side!
Cara: I know!
How does he become smoke! I want to know!
Lish: i know!
and
i mean
what the fuck
what's the light?
'what's the island?
what's the them?
what the fuck?
Cara: Shh, child
Lish: you're not the boss of me!
Cara: AREN'T I
Lish: ......no!
Cara: no?
Lish: NO
Cara: ..please?
Lish: NO!
Cara: You're so MEAN
Lish: you always knew what this was
Cara: I was hoping for change! I believe in change
Lish: so this is your fault
Cara: Most things are
Lish: no argument there. Ok shh maybe they'll explain everything in the SEVEN MINUTES LEFT
Cara: ...right.
NO YOU WON'T

Cara: Those rocks are racist.
Lish: i like shiny rocks
she was the jacob and he's the ben!
Cara: dun dun dun
Lish: WHAT'S HIS NAME
Cara: see, this is why I don't want boys
Lish: ..........brother
Cara: Oh, dude
Lish: what
Cara: Is he gonna shove him in there?
yep
Lish: would that be bad?
we don't know what it IS
oh well
Cara: Crazy CJ said it was worse than death
Lish: you fucked THAT up
Cara: ...so that's how that happened
Lish: OOPS
Cara: OOPS
Cara : WAY TO TURN YOUR BROTHER INTO A SMOKE MONSTER, YOUNG MAN
Lish: see! even i've never done THAT to you!
Cara: I was gonna say!
Lish: he kind of IS dark heart
Cara: Oh god, I bet Kate will be the fucking Camp Champ
Lish: oh god
Cara: This family sure loves killing each other and then feeling bad about it
Lish: i'm not REALLY getting the motivation for all this hate, here
it seems a bit out of nowhere
Cara: The hate then or the hate now
?
Lish: all
then
who's...what
WHAT
FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
WAIT
Cara: THAT'S Adam and Eve?
Lish: what ske.........
who is the guy?
Cara: The Man in Black
Lish: but
uh
he
is not dead
Cara: Smoke monster
Lish: whose body did he take
Cara: dunno
Well. That answered AH question
..two questions
Lish: WHAT
so he became the smoke and left his body
Cara: Yeah, I guess. maybe he just floats around until he finds a body
Lish: how are they adam and eve?
they weren't the first, because
but
what about those egyptians
Cara: Locke just called them that
Lish: i know
why don't we know his fucking name?
aaaaaaaaahg
Cara: Maybe he's Rumpelstiltskin
Lish: ok but
did any of that REALLY need to happen, because she totally caused all of it, but with random explanations that i don't really understand
Cara: I think all that NEEDED to happen was for one of them to protect the light deal
Lish: so it seems a bit stupid that she was so cryptic rather than explaining shit to them like adults. also why did she have to kill their mother, and also why did she freak when there were twins
Cara: Maybe there's only supposed to ever be one
Lish: but why not just give one of them to the Others?
there were all those other damn people
Cara: It's probably some sort of Sign
Lish: I have no idea what happened. Maybe I’ll watch it again, that’d be better than watching V
Cara: I’m leaving
Lish: Do it and I’ll sic CJ on you
Lish: with a ROCK
Cara: I'll take PAPER
Lish: .................!
Cara: Yeah. I'm going out on a Rock, Paper, Scissors joke
because that's how I roll
Lish: heeeeeee
Cara: laaaaamely.
Goodnight, Sister Bear
Lish: goodnight........brother bear
Cara: ..what would they have done if they had two cubs of the same sex?
Lish: dude NOTHING that family did made sense
Cara: true
Lish: you know the story about that family, right?
Cara: yeah
Lish: shit's fucked up