In which we babble incoherently and shallowly about tv.



lish: i just saw a picture of satan on the colbert report and for a good 30 seconds i thought it was spiderman
lish: shit i missed the first five minutes of lost, the fuck is going on?
lish: and WHY do they let jacob recap
lish: i need to punch his little emo mouth
Cara: They were showing the Others before the plane crashed. They had houses and a book club
lish: ...on the island?
Cara: Apparently, they came over on the S.S. WASP
Cara: yes
lish: how very Un-spoooky
Cara: Oh, I know. Jacob's fucking poetry clips
lish: i mean when i think cryptic, otherworldy adventure, I usually don't think book club
Cara: Well. They were reading Stephen King. And the host was making muffins
lish: what stephen king were they reading? maybe it's a clue
Cara: Just saw his name
Cara: She was the muffin maker
lish: so i did see a 7 day bahamas cruise for 325
Cara: I wish I...cared about any of the characters on this show
lish: i know
lish: i'm not sure why i watch it. i feel like i should like it more than i do.but i don't like any of the actors
lish: except poor dead eyebrows boone.
Cara: We ALL think you're stupid, Jack
lish: is she the book club lady?
Cara: Yes
lish: why is a bookclub running the island? and why was the bookclub armed?
Cara: They taking their reading very, very seriously
lish: if i'd known weapons were handed out i'd have joined a book club
lish: reading IS fundamental
Cara: Heee
Cara: I hate her shoulders
lish: slute
lish: she has manshoulders
lish: hah! slute
Cara: Linebacker shoulders
Cara: What, they couldn't give her shoes?
lish: they did, she just wants to exfoliate her soles
lish: how exactly did none of them ever notice or find this side of the island? are they all extras from blair witch? climb a TREE
Cara: Could be
lish: no manacles, no orange juice. that's the rules
Cara: Man. Au Bon Pain got strict
lish: au bon PAIN
lish: that doesn't work, shit. it's spelled the same way
Cara: Heeeee
lish: that'd be awesome though. they could have a subsidiary chain called Croissants n' Bondage
Cara: But it's not sweeps
Cara: Heee
lish: so cruise for 325
Cara: Yeah, but mom's point is that when I move, they're gonna have to pay for everything. So a cruise, not so much
lish: take out a loan?
lish: you'll have to fly up here anyway for an interview
Cara: I'm not taking out a loan so I can go on a seven day cruise
lish: tis only three hundred wee american dollars
lish: it's ok. i'll go to maine by myself
Cara: But you'll come back talking like when we got the Christmas tree
lish: hee!
Cara: Like, Katharine Hepburn as a lobster fisherman with a stroke
lish: that was a classic downhome maine accent, i'll have you know
lish: i will wrap myself in wool and eat lobster and get the fuck out of this place for a while. it'll be ok. I think
Cara: Downhome
lish: you got a point?
Cara: You wouldn't know downhome if downhome fell on you
lish: shut your taco hole
lish: i'm rustic
Cara: Yes. You live in the hinterlands of Brooklyn
lish: it's total wilderness
lish: i stood sort of close to a squirrel the other day and everything
Cara: Only fifty Starbucks?
lish: buckses
Cara: Actually, it's Latin
lish: that's not latin
Cara: Your FACE isn't Latin
lish: so.....isn't YOUR face
lish: ooo
Cara: My face is of indeterminate European origins
lish: heeee
lish: whereas I, somehow, am plainly irish
lish: changeling
Cara: Well, you'..yes
lish: elves left me here
Cara: I only got to the apostrophe that time
lish: where are my elf powers?
Cara: How else would you learn what you needed to know to become Queen of the Mints?
lish: my elf eyes see NOTHING. my elf eyes have abnormally large optic nerves
lish: well that's true
lish: those mints are shit subjects
Cara: It's because you're not gay enough
lish: i get NO tithing at all.
Cara: If you were rocking the faggy like Legolas
lish: rocking the faggy!
Cara: I like how the Others have peroxide to keep their hair blonde
lish: i really don't like him
Cara: I don't like any of them
lish: yeah and all their eyebrows are perfectly groomed
Cara: Who puts toothpicks in grilled cheese? Savages!
lish: that's why they're stuck on that island. too untasteful for civilized society
Cara: Or maybe they're from the '50's
lish: next they'll have one of those jello monstrosities with the fruit suspended in it, and a celery salad
Cara: And for torture they will be subjected to tupperware parties
lish: tupperwerewolves. see-through and conveniently stackable, yet feasts on the flesh of the innocent
Cara: And he is airtight
lish: and you can write on him with a sharpie
lish: although you can write on anything with a sharpie, so that isn't a point in his favor
Cara: But don't leave him in the fridge for too long
Cara: You can't write on Biff
lish: he is microwave safe
lish: you could if you pressed hard enough
Cara: Nah, I've tried. She just hits me
lish: is he meant to be attractive? to whom is he meant to be attractive? he has a giant froglike willem dafoe mouth and his shoulders slope unpleasantly
Cara: Heee
lish: boy she's pretty omnipresent
Cara: Great. God is a blonde woman who runs a book club and burns muffins
lish: i could be omnipresent, if i had some comfortable shoes
lish: dude. that would explain a LOT
Cara: It really would
lish: what is this the nine?
Cara: It's about nine people who were hostages in a bank
lish: hokay
lish: and that's...going to be a whole show? that's one episode
lish: it's like that prison break thing, i never got that. not that i ever watched it, but
Cara: It's what happens after they get out I think
lish: she's the poor man's ....what the fuck is that chick's name
lish: with the hair and the annoying lips
Cara: Calista Flockheart?
lish: no..
lish: with the huge mass of curly blonde hair, she was in that movie with john travolta, she made chairs and was vulnerable
Cara: Made...chairs
lish: yes
lish: she did
Cara: Kyra Sedgewick?
lish: hee yes
Cara: Oh. You should have said 'Annoying Southern woman that you hate'
lish: because that would have narrowed it down
Cara: Well. The blonde one
lish: because...that would have narrowed it down
Cara: She's the only one I can think of
lish: well, theoretically, yes
lish: does everyone on tv not have a problem with airing their hugely personal issues in front of roomfuls of strangers?
lish: you know, we're living in a SOCIETY
Cara: Awk-ward
lish: how is it he never shaves but his stubble is always exactly the same length?
Cara: The island controls your hair
lish: neat
Cara: It's the Island of John Frieda
lish: heeeeee
Cara: Like Dr. Moreau, but less frizzy
lish: like dr moreua, bu
lish: i fucking hate you
Cara: Heeeeee
lish: i even spelled it wrong because i was trying to type it before you did!
lish: so not only did you say what i was going to say but i knew you were going to. i hate us
Cara: I love that you totally knew I would type it
Cara: ...
lish: oh sweet jesus christ
lish: that's it, i'm getting a restraining order put on your thoughts. a judicial mistrangement order
Cara: that blue thing I got from her
lish: adore you
lish: j'adore is such shit perfume
lish: it's cloying
lish: but i can't bring myself to throw out the thing because the bottle's full and it was costly, it was
Cara: Give it to a hobo
lish: hobos do not wear scent
lish: if they mask their natural miasma they will be turned away from all the secret hobo clubs
Cara: This is true
lish: wow. why don't they just call this show "ABC: Capitalizing on 9-11, Through Sitcoms"
Cara: Now now. It is a drama
lish: oh, sorry
Cara: You should be
lish: well I am
Cara: What...the hell
lish: um. i'm so confused
lish: what good did that do?
lish: he gets popcorn??
Cara: But not three different kinds
lish: i bet HIS doesn't go stale within a day
lish: oh man
Cara: A...fishcuit
lish: there is a woman in my....well, call it the sector of the floor i'm on
lish: every day, every day at 4pm exactly, she makes a bag of microwave popcorn
lish: you know sisyphus? it's like that
lish: because she NEVER SHARES
Cara: Hee
Cara: Aw. He's giving her his fishcuit. That means love
lish: fishcuit! heh. i missed that the first time you said it. you get two points
Cara: But..I want stars
Cara: Gold ones.
lish: you can get stars
lish: but silver
Cara: Like if you coated the heavens with gold and they became valuable and you could trade them in for shoes
lish: can't give out the gold for just anything. it'd dilute the brand
lish: ....we could trade our gold stars in for shoes? why was I not informed? I would have kept ALL my spelling quizzes
Cara: If they were REAL gold
lish: but they....they aren't? is everything a lie?
Cara: Real gold is not adhesive
lish: real gold can do whatever it wants
Cara: Unlike your FACE
lish: my face can do things
Cara: The island has the internets?
Cara: Does Amazon deliver there?
lish: does amazon deliver to the amazon?
lish: and when they do do people say "hey, we got a box from ourselves"
Cara: Yes.
lish: ok then
lish: wait why's he in jail?
lish: look! it's the same fucking stubble!
Cara: 'Cause of the fight with his dad? I don't know
lish: does the costume department have a ruler?
Cara: They have a Floobie
lish: is it not a flowbee?
Cara: Ah yes. Yes it is
lish: ok then
lish: sometimes jack looks like he doesnt have any teeth. it's odd
Cara: Man, she is passive aggressive
lish: she'd like the guy who lives in the ground floor apartment here
lish: did i tell you about him? the one who thinks he's the RA of the building? he's like cerberus, if cerberus was a bald, mealymouthed little twerp
Cara: Heee
lish: no you can't trust him. know why? because he has a fucking y chromosome, you fucking moron
lish: sorry. digression.
Cara: Evil people shouldn't be named Ben
lish: it's such a squooshy and unthreatening name
lish: wait it's ...that was an hour already?
lish: nothing happened
lish: i guess tv IS like real life after all
lish: why isn't the nine on at nine?
Cara: New South Park
lish: ...new NEW?
lish: ...wow. i wouldn't have thought anything good could happen today
Cara: New new
Cara: Really? Of all the things they could do they're spoofing World of Warcraft?
lish: this is going to be one of those episodes only the Kids will understand
lish: points for Falcor though
Cara: I only have a vague understanding and that's because of boys
lish: yeah this particular thing has sort of passed me by
lish: jesus....did WoW blow them or something?
Cara: I have no idea
lish: i....really? this is what they picked? what about their social responsibility as the mouthpiece of disaffected comedians everywhere?
Cara: I know! Come on! Instant messages to sixteen year old boys! It writes itself
lish: they only would have had like three days to write that but they've done it before
lish: i mean my god- they could make that episode by cobbling together bits of OLD episodes
Cara: Kids today
lish: is this going to end up being an iraq metaphor?
Cara: Could be
lish: trey, you incorrigible goon, you
Cara: Oh my God
lish: i.........
lish: i,.......
lish: this is worse than the King
Cara: Tony Robbins huuuungry
lish: hee!
lish: who the fuck thought this was a good idea?
lish: are you watching with the parents? dad is emailing me.
Cara: Dad's in North Carolina
lish: oh wait he isn't there, is he. well he's perplexed, to say the least
lish: i can't help him. i am an oldster
Cara: And I am not an 18 year old boy. Regardless of my bra size
lish: good thing too, now mark foley won't email you
Cara: Heeeeee
Cara: Like I'd email him back. I abhor poor internet grammar
lish: yeah, that actually bothered me more than the subject matter
Cara: Me too
lish: there is something unutterably pathetic about a 50-year old man saying "lol u totally r gr8, u WANNA CUM OVER HERE"
lish: or whatever the kids are saying
Cara: 'It will so kewl'
Cara: Is this.. south park….is this about Iran?
lish: i don't....so do you just walk around like, being a dwarf?
lish: ....maybe?
Cara: I bet they just wanted everyone to sit around and wonder if it was a metaphor
lish: actually I bet they did
lish: the....hell?
lish: this is a slight comedown from last season
Cara: little bit
lish: hee, i love that angle though
lish: where their eyeballs go all funny
lish: eeeew
Cara: uuuuugh
lish: do you sometimes get the feeling that there's a whole bunch of stuff going on in the world right under your nose that you have no idea about and thank god because if you knew what most people actually got up to you'd never leave your house again?
Cara: Yes
lish: ok
Cara: Usually
lish: trey really, really has a problem with prepositions
lish: they never match up right with his verbs
Cara: It's the drugs
lish: interesting
lish: like how martinis make me incapable of using gerunds?
Cara: And..nouns, sometimes
lish: true
lish: this is truly grossing me out
lish: we aren't supposed to have to look at these people
lish: sharon is always carrying a laundry basket. people in rural colorado don't have that many clothes
Cara: That's why they have to wash the same ones overa and over again
lish: oh! good point
lish: sometimes my condescension gets ahead of my brains
Cara: Gross
lish: trul.................jesus christ
lish: i really, really preferred the episode where that kid ate his parents and then cartman licked the tears off his face. that was so civilized
Cara: Ah, the good old days
lish: it was a more innocent time
lish: a happier time
Cara: A more cannibalistic time
lish: that goes without saying
lish: stan's father has boobies too'
lish: ok you were right. there is no metaphor here
Cara: ...
Cara: Dude
lish: I
lish: i wish i could unwatch that
Cara: Me too.
ara: Heee
lish: leela really doesn't look jeish
lish: ok, i can't spell jewish.or this keyboard is antisemitic
Cara: Or maybe...maybe your fingers are
lish: gasp!
Cara: Your Aryan hands have no place here!
lish: but I
Cara: Chop 'em off!
lish: but
lish: how would you know if i did, considering i couldn't type to tell you so?
lish: aha!
Cara: You used your feet
lish: my toes, while freakishly strong and versatile, are nevertheless limited by their inherent toeishness
Cara: Bah
Cara: Now. I didn't think you could say jism on TV
lish: what are you watching?
Cara: Daily Show
lish: bastards. Ok, I’m going to go pretend to sleep now.