Heroes Liveblog: Now with 100% Less Expanding Dinosaur Semen

Alicia: how is your HAH HAH HAH HAH Pleurisy?

Cara: Oh god. I was out with Katie and her boyfriend and his friend and they laughed for five solid minutes
Alicia: as well they should
Cara: Biff stepped on it again! What the fuck!
Alicia: She stepped on your pleurisy? we're going to have to start dressing you in crinoline
Cara: I'm sitting UP. She sat on my lung!
Alicia: hahaha that cat HATES you
Cara: She is defying gravity to cause me PAIN
Alicia: i always tried to do that. never could quite swing it. damn that cat
Cara: I should unfeed her
Alicia: messy
Cara: I just meant take the food I just put in her bowl out.
Alicia: i was thinking more some sort of...forced tubing
Cara: Yeah, I know.

Alicia: Ah, Heroes. i like that it occurs to peter that it's wrong after they've dug up TWELVE GRAVES. he's like, oh wait


Cara: Swings! Ominous swinging swings Alicia: swings!
Cara: ....
There was no color in the past
Alicia: i was gonna say, a swingset always means Something Bad Has Happened Here. they couldn't afford color.
Cara: Apparently the secret was that they were in Pleasantville
Alicia: also color caused polio, back before the vaccine
Cara: Ooooh
Alicia: apparently the secret is they're....all half indian for some reason
Cara: Uhm. They didn't tolerate Indians in the '60's
Alicia: wait, is this the dharma initiative?
Cara: This is how the Nazis got them in the showers!
Alicia: see they could only afford a fence made of ROCKS, they can't afford color
Cara: This is the worst camp ever
Alicia: dude angela is totally going to wake up and everything'll be in color and there'll be midgets. they're so all gonna have an orgy. that's why she had to KILL THEM ALL
Alicia: wait who's the black dude? i couldn't hear the dialogue over this fracking keyboard
Cara: The...uh. Remember way back in season one
Alicia: they'll make macaroni pictures with their MINDS
Cara: the old guy that Peter was taking care of
Alicia: oh right
Cara: and then Peter boffed his daughter. Yeah
Alicia: banana?
Cara: No thank you
Alicia: hey weren't we going to make random references to fruits? that lasted long.
Cara: Oh. Right. We were gonna do a lot of things
Alicia: I am satsuma tired of your lip, missy
KISS HER
Alicia: so you....brought your whole family there. smart move
Cara: She'll just be there, hanging out, whistling. Has she not seen horror movies?
You never go back to the haunted summer camp!
Alicia: sigh
Cara: Or sleep with boys, So they're all screwed
Alicia: maybe jamie lee curtis will show up and her power will be to Have A Rectangular Head and Be Annoying
Cara: God. She and Nathan and Isabella Rossellini can mix their genes. Imagine the head on that child
Alicia: oh my god
Cara: It could cut you
Alicia: blockheads.
Alicia: and then they'll have a rhomboid child and he will be shunned
Cara: Aw, they could go to the UN school from the Critic with the Easter Island guy
Alicia: dude that show has held up SO well
Cara: for the two of us
Alicia: well.
but no
Cara: No one else saw it to know that it held up
Alicia: we have pretty high standards
true
but it is still THAT good. and there were what like three seasons? how did nobody ever see that show? was it on some secret channel?
Cara: Huh
Alicia: "1961 was a different time." Yes. in that it is not, in fact, 2009.THAT"S HOW TIME WORKS
Alicia: bit of compassion there, peter? god
Cara: Yeah. You used to be a MURSE
Alicia: you know. if i had a rectangular head i would not go for the turtle neck
Cara: Nor would I
Cara: I like how everything is gone but the lacy curtains. No mattresses, but the curtains held up
Alicia: yeah even the fucking Mutant Child Killer Camp can find curtains but when I try? NOOOOOOO. god he is such a whinging dick
Cara: Oh. Now they're going to make out in the sky
Alicia: this is exactly the same character he played on gilmore girls. you know what?
Once we've established the setting and you go back to it and it's in black and white i don't think you need to say AGAIN that it's 1961
Cara: I know.Linderman's accent is...from where? Retard Sweden?
Alicia: swetard
Alicia: That guy's black so he's screwed.
Cara: Well. He got rich. And lived to old age. That seems to be better than everyone else on this show
Alicia: i'm just saying, in general tv terms
Cara: Yeah. Who sleeps in pigtails?
Alicia: oh. ok.
Cara: You can't sleep on your side in pigtails
Alicia: i was going to say!
Cara: Only commies sleep on their backs all night
Alicia: those two look like they should be in an attic in holland somewhere.
Cara: They really do. Except they're 'Italian' Alicia: by which I mean, they do not look italian
Cara: Well. Neither do WE
Alicia: ......there really is no point to us talking to each other
but could they LOOK any more anne franky?
Cara: Well, could WE? you maybe.
Alicia: you got the nose and the hair, i got nothing. and neither of us is rich, i feel is worth pointing out.
Cara: Wait which father??
Alicia: which one?
sigh.
Cara: ...Is she gonna sing?
Alicia: i think i see a bluebird in the background
Cara: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, Angela
Alicia: angela sorta has a mustache
NOT THE SCREEN DOOR!
Cara: There's never a latch on them
Sister ANGRY
Alicia: maybe her power is she's a dust storm
Cara: Okie Power
Alicia: i bet she's employed by Roomba. to just go into people's houses and dustify them all up
Alicia: Okie power
Cara: I'm gonna start calling people Okies
Alicia: just indiscriminately?
Cara: Yep
Alicia: ok.
okie dokey
Cara: I'm gonna call like. Indians and Chinese and French people 'Okie'. They won't know what's going on
Alicia: they never do, cara. they never do.
Cara: This is a true fact
Alicia: what I have writ down on this paper here so it won't be that I forget it

Cara: Haha all your cars are the same
...oh
Alicia: HAH
Cara: I thought this was a car commercial
..it is
Alicia: you tard
Cara: ...sigh.
Alicia: it's not
Cara: It was an Audi commercial
Alicia: its an .......why did i think this was an identity theft ad?
Cara: I don't understand HOW, but it was
Alicia: they were using a metaphor! those bastards
Cara: It SAID 'Identity theft can happen to anyone'. God. This isn't a poetry class!
Alicia: i didn't pay attention after that part
look, fuck you, annie oakley. Uh. that was ....the only old-timey old westy chick name I could think of. but i guess it's too dry to get pleurisy in the old west
Cara: It doesn't seem to be a moisture-dependent condition

Alicia: "what can i get you hon"
is what she SHOULD HAVE SAID
Cara: She has never seen teevee
Alicia: and then there has to be pie because these diners always have pie
Cara: You know, the diner in Harvard Square NEVER has pie. It fails as a diner
Alicia: then it isn't a diner. It’s a lie, with formica
Cara: Oh my god, Peter. It happened in 1986. You were SIX
Alicia: remind me again what peter's redeeming characteristics are?
Cara: Uhm
Ha!
Alicia: HAH
Cara: I love when people get in the head with stuff
Alicia: you're walking along and it's like ow, dude, table
Cara: This is really not a yelling conversation
Alicia: how'd he get there?
Cara: I....don't know
Alicia: .....50 years ago
Cara: uh
Alicia: angela is 66?
Cara: I guess
Alicia: WHY AM I ANNE FRANK, she is thinking. Actually she kinda looks like you
Cara: ...Moyawnder's dad had him old. Which one?
Alicia: not the nose though. the younger one
Cara: It's always the Anne Frank one! and I never have an attic
Alicia: i saw this in ghostbusters! you're gonna make it so she gets them right because you want to sleep with her!
Alicia: i am SO glad my dreams don't come true
Cara: These cards were used at Duke many years ago! They did not work. Oh, me too. Except some of them
Alicia: well yes, those ones. not the dreams with queen latifah and the butterflies and the parking garage though, I'll tell you what.
Cara: I agree
Alicia: or, if it were last night, i would wake up drowning in cheese
Cara: Or the one where there's a serial killer and you have to figure out a way out of the turquoise motel where he's keeping all thirteen of you
Alicia: which, I assume, is what awaits me in Irony Hell. hee! that's a good one.
Cara: And then once you figure it out, you have to go through it AGAIN to figure out a more efficient way to get out, like, really, brain? I don't know what the hell that one was trying to tell me
Alicia: or you’d be back in college having to take exams even though you knew IN the dream that you had graduated and you took the exam even though you'd never been to one day of the class
Cara: I hate those
Alicia: constant, dude, constant.
Cara: Mine is always a paper or a project and never an exam.
Claire should not wear skinny jeans
Alicia: wait when did angela leave?
we suck at liveblogging
Cara: She ran out to go after her sister
Alicia: paying, as we do, not so much with attention to the dialogue
I thought her sister was the Dust
Cara: Well. Our dialogue is better
Alicia: ...her sister is Dust!
Cara: Her sister was creating the dust
!
Get her, Lyra!
Alicia: I'm telling the Oblation Boar
D MOTHERFUCKING KEYBOARD. my damn keyboard.
Cara: ...I want to name something Oblation Boar
Alicia: seriously if i type too fast it misses letters. isn't today's technology not...supposed to dothat?
Alicia: shit, now have to send you a stuffed pig

Cara: my african violet now has a name.
Alicia: hee ok that's so much better
i just snorted
Cara: My google chat is lagging, obnoxiously
Alicia: I laughed out of my NOSE at you
Cara: These heroes people have more parent issues than Disney
Alicia: heh
aww!
look at that one lone playground Riding Duck. or....i think it is a duck.
Cara: ...
I
Alicia: right there
Cara: why would there be a duck there?
Alicia: it's a playground ridin' duck!
Cara: Oooooh
Alicia: you know those things, on the springs
Cara: Aw, they go back and forth
Alicia: yeah. they're very existential.
Cara: Or, if you're bigger, forward until you hit the ground
Alicia: heh. fat kids never knew how those things were actually meant to work.because it'd just be like, plonk
Cara: Well. They got their revenge on the seesaw
Alicia: they could never do that either! they just got the see
Cara: But they would always slam down. And then you'd bounce
Alicia: ok what are they talking about?
Cara: Oh god, you all need to shut up
Alicia: oh. same as always.
Cara: redemption because they are fuckheads
Alicia: man, you know- i want ron howard to guest narrate some episodes. CAN YOU IMAGINE
Cara: oh god
Alicia: oh. How convenient.
KISS HIM
thaaaaaaaaaat's pathetic
Cara: Now is not the time, Claire
Alicia: My Two Dads
Cara: Dude, it's not like they're NEW graves
Alicia: you know, basket case makes no sense. it can't be a case if it's a BASKET
what's with the super closeups? is this episode sponsored by biore?
Cara: I just looked up the origin of basket case
Alicia: you would. actually what did it say?
Cara: It began in WWI
Alicia: etymologize me!
Cara: It was a soldier who has lost both arms and legs and therefore must be carried in a basket! that's terrible!
Alicia: no way! that's awful! i always thought the connotation was someone who was nuts.
not a paraplegic veteran! dude
Cara: I know!
Alicia: also, i bet that was a nasty basket
Cara: All bloody
Alicia: .."I'll be back in a few?"
Cara: Huh. She does look like me
Alicia: they said that in 1961, SHOW? she really does look like you
Cara: It was hip, see. I shall have to kill her
Alicia: you should use her for nefarious purposes. you'll have to get her a little goatee. lthough actually i assume that YOU are in fact the evil one
Cara: none of this wee clone mishigas
Cara: If I'm not, I would hate to see the actual evil one
Alicia: christ. but see the evil you would just...not be lazy. it's not like you don't have the THOUGHTS. you just lack followthrough. this is my problem as well
Cara: That's true. She'd be like me, she'd just do the things I think about doin'
Alicia: hokay
Cara: ...uh. I do not age well
Alicia: it's the crazy cat lady from the simpsons
Cara: It really is
Alicia: man if she throws a cat at angela i officially like this show again
Alicia: oh. good. they are jackhammering the street outside my building. so...that's good. thanks for that
Cara: ...now?
Alicia: ...now, indeed.
Cara: ...
Alicia: goody.
Cara: Well, sure. Maybe it's the Ghostbusters!
Alicia: ! they got a gas leak!
Alicia: i wanna go play in the sliiiiiiiiiime
Cara: I bet slime doesn't come off with soap
Cara: Um. This news anchor has unprofessionally large knockers
Alicia: hee, knockers.
Cara: They're like...first of all, not real
Cara: She's...more blonde than grey
Alicia: the hair....
sigh.
Cara: heeee
Alicia: and they're jackhammering again. this is gonna be a fun night
Cara: Is she southern, now?
Alicia: you really don't age well, huh
Cara: Yeah, this is upsetting. Okay, when they play this music
Alicia: 12 monkeys
Cara: It automatically makes every dramatic scene sound rapey
Alicia: huh, i think of 12 monkeys
Cara: Get a deep conditioning treatment!
Alicia: heh
...socks.
honey, she needs a bit more than socks.
Cara: She needs, like, mind socks
Alicia: wait totally missed what just happened
Cara: No idea. All Indians look the same to her, see.

Alicia: jesus just kiss your mother already.ok what happened to alice?
Cara: A crazy creepy family. I don't know. I think Suresh tried to inject her with things and she ran away and then he shot everyone for some reason?
Alicia: but
Cara: Yeah
Alicia: uhm
Cara: No idea
Alicia: that show just...went in my ears
rattled around for a while
and went away
Cara: I think they make it with a magnetic poetry kit