Lish: man, EVERY year for my birthday I ask for a near-dead puppeteer
Cara: God, I just...I killed SO many Indians
Lish: dude, there are plenty to spare
Cara: Sylar is awfully boring for an all-powerful psychopath
Lish: he really is. he should take more of his clothes off. It might help.
Cara: Maybe go to the beach
Lish: it annoys me that none of the people he goes to kill are, say, in a spa
Cara: SYMBOLIC CLEANSING RAIN
Lish: POUNDY POUNDY POUNDY
boy this show is subtle. this is like…hello my name is tim kring and I just learned about the pathetic fallacy and now i am going to use it in EVERY EPISODE because it is New and has never before been used, only by MEEEEEEEEEEE
Cara: Like a freshman psych major and Jungian archetypes
Lish: Yes. my whole apartment building smells suddenly of bacon
Cara: Huh. Mine smells like pot and failure.
Lish: bacon I can't have is the worst kind of bacon!
oh, mine usually does. Oh guess what, I made cookies
Cara: Tough cookies?
Lish: and after having made the cookies, realized I have milk
Cara: I hope you threw one item out
Lish: I wasn't quite sure what to do
Cara: Though I think it's only Oreos and milk you can't have at the same time
Lish: on a space-time level, I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed both
I don't know. I think it extends to the greater species of Cookie
Lish: “NOT ON MY WATCH” did he actually just say that?
Cara: I've often had chocolate chip cookies while milk is around
Lish: oh, these were chocolate chip. maybe that's the exception
Cara: Does Danko have the cancer or something?
Lish: was this...is there Stereotype Cop Movie Script somewhere and they stole it?
Cara: or the AIDS
Lish: He's croatian I think. they all just look like that. except goran ivanesevic
Cara: They're generally not that pale, though
Lish: he's scared of the sun. because of what he did to the sun's girl that one time
Cara: does the sun have a Power
Lish: on this show? it can fly, for NO FUCKING RAISIN
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Cara: Just throw another fake parent at Sylar and he'll be distracted for a few more episodes. Maybe a cousin
Lish: "this is your....Sprother, sylar'
it is a new relative that ONLY YOU HAVE
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeee. Wait, when did Claire have time to get bangs?
Lish: she got them for christmas.
Cara: But...she didn't have them before and then they were hiding out in the air and now they're in Mehico and she has bangs
Lish: nathan really, really should not have the side-cut. it makes his head look like a perfect rectangle.
she's a mexiCAN, caroline
Cara: heeeeeeeeee.
Petrelli drinking contest! That's not gonna end anyway but uncomfortably affectionate
Lish: WHO WROTE THIS?
Cara: Can you still claim sanctuary in a church?
Lish: did dan brown write this?
only if you're a hunchback, I think
Cara: Because I have some shit I'd like to take care of
and I also really want to yell 'SANCTUARY'
Cara: I should go do that in the Opus Dei church!
Lish: you have an opus dei church?!
is paul bettany naked in it?
Cara: It's right across from Mur's place
there's a dorm for all the freaky Opus Dei college kids
Lish: huh
are any of them naked paul bettany?
Cara: I do not know. You can't see through any of the windows
You just hear chanting in the basement on Friday nights
Lish: hmm
Cara: Does Sylar not have the special power of purchasing an umbrella?
Lish: he hasn't killed anyone who had that power yet
wait who's a shapeshifter?
Cara: The guy whose head he cut off
Lish: ok. you don't get the drop on someone and then TALK to them, you JUST FUCKING SHOOT THEM
Cara: Angela is boring in church
Lish: what is she DOING in there.
Cara: Jesus wants YOU
Oh god. He's…. praying out loud?
Lish: oh my god this is the worst episode ever
PM Cara: God doesn't care about your problems, Peter
NO ONE does
Not even JESUS. You had a deal? You had a deal with god? Oh, peter.
Lish: heeeeee
WE HAD A DEAL, KYLE
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
God is EVERYWHERE
Huh....I guess you can't claim sanctuary
Lish: WHAT IS GOING ON
Cara: That totally eliminates the last purpose of church
Lish: ...well. they still have acoustics.
Cara: ...true
But that's not really church-specific. Also I like how Ali Larter's agent has never once gotten her a job as a likable character
Lish: who else has she ever been?
was there just a commercial?
I stroked out for a second
Cara: Yeah, for some Fatal Attraction type movie
With Ali Larter and Beyonce.
Lish: oh christ
Cara: Yes'm. Good god. Another cop show.
Lish: there are a lotta cops
Cara: Either they have to stop making cop shows or cops have to stop shooting people for NO RAISIN
Lish: OH GOD IT NEVER ENDS
Cara: Sylar should give Danko some of his eyebrows
he can wear them as hair
Lish: are they gonna make out or what
Cara: Only Petrellis make out
Lish: yeah except everyone on this show turns out to be a petrelli
Danko is the Albino
Cara: True
Lish: Dankbino
Cara: heeeeeee
Lish: SEE
make out!!
Cara: I want power so I can lounge all day in a hammock.
Lish: mmmmmmm power hammock. …allure?
did he just say "women of allure?"
Cara: I...
Lish: I mean even for this show
WHO WRITES THIS
Cara: he changes shape constantly to get laid?
Lish: too bad he didn't change the one part that COUNTS
oooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooo
Cara: heeeeeeeeee
Lish: wait a minute
so she can dealcoholize herself now?
Cara: Well, think of how quickly everything in her body regenerates
she has to burn through alcohol instantly
Lish: so how does she not weigh three pounds?
she'd metabolize food that fast
Cara: It seems more that her body doesn't change
I don't know. Because it's Heroes.
Lish: KISS HER
Cara: Dude. No.
She has BANGS.
Lish: "I don't care that she's your daughter but dude. Bangs."
WTF is going on in this church?
Cara: Oh god. She is confessing to her son in the CONFESSIONAL
Lish: why are they in the church?
Cara: They were hiding out
Lish: who's - does that mean peter is god?
DOES THAT MEAN HE WAS JUST TALKING TO HIMSELF
Cara: I think Peter is Jesus
Lish: BUT
Cara: I hope. Because that means he dies.
Just in time for Easter!
Lish: oh good
but that makes Nathan, um....also-ran jesus
Cara: Heeeeeee
Lish: how'd HE get there?
Cara: He was like Jesus 1.0 but there were some problems
Lish: heeeeeeeeee
Cara: His..magic glasses
Lish: oh man and all the christians could could little jesus beta fish on their cars, see
Cara: heeeeeeee
Lish: put. could put.
that joke deserved more eee's!
Cara: I was mostly laughing at ‘could could’
Lish: wait why are they working together?
WHAT"S GOING ON
Cara: To...uh
I think Sylar wants his power
Lish: I am going to throw my leftover milk at the screen
Cara: and Danko...wants to kill him. Now I'm choking on water
Et tu, aqua?
Lish: HEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Cara: You know, craisins really make salads delicious
Lish: question.
Cara: except I ate all the craisins and then threw away the greens
Lish: at what point are we interfering brutally with nature to cross cranberries with raisins?
Cara: ...we...didn't
Lish: is it a breeding thing, or are they cauterized together somehow?
Lish: or am I totally misunderstanding what a craisin is.
Cara: They're just…. dried cranberries.
Lish: ........all right then.
I'll........I'll just go.
Cara: I…the sanctity of single dried fruits is safe
Lish: I.......
Cara: Door's over there
Lish: I should go
Cara: I believe that maybe you should
Lish: oh god my stomach hurts
Cara: From shame?
Lish: this is like that time, remember? when YOU fucked up?
Cara: Heeee, yes
And my stomach hurt from shame!
Lish: yes. shame
Cara: I…ok wait, no one would make out with Danko
Lish: they should dance
Cara: They might catch creepy Albinoism
Lish: EEEEW. Hey, maybe he's Powder
Cara: heeeeeeeeeee
Lish: maybe this is what happened when he grew up
Cara: I thought Powder died. I never really saw the movie
Lish: OR DID HE
Cara: Maybe I'm thinking of Michael
Lish: maybe HE's jesus
Cara: which was…quite a different movie
Lish: ...yes. yes it was.
Cara: You're learning something about your daughter!
Oh… no
Lish: DOO doo doo
Cara: This is awkward
Lish: WOW
it's like now they're TRYING
Cara: I didn't think my words would come TRUE
Lish: um
Heroes in the Attic
Cara: Why do my only accurate predictions consist of Petrellis being inappropriate with each other?
Lish: that's your fucking superpower
and I have to tell you, it is sub-par
Cara: That's worse than fingernail growing
Lish: you know what's great about this episode? no hiro
Cara: Oh, lord. Yes.
Lish: oh god, i was so drunk the other night and trying to get this japanese teenager to teach me japanese
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: all I remember is I kept yelling at him no! don't teach me girl japanese, teach me boy japanese! I don't want to be apologetic!
Cara: Oh man
Lish: and he was....he could barely speak english. and he kept saying NO IT IS PROPER IT IS POLITE
Cara: I thought boy Japanese was apologetic too
Lish: and i was all like I AM NOT GOING TO ADD ENDINGS TO MY WORDS FOR YOU MEN
Cara: But they do that for men and women
Lish: no, chick japanese is you basically have to add the equivalent of "but i'm not sure, and I am positive you are more correct than I am" to everything and then there's more groveling and then I think you are required to giggle
Cara: Lame.
Lish: yeah, see
so I was yelling at this poor kid
he was maybe 17
he was the dj in this place we were in
Cara: ...what is going on? I missed something
Lish: I um
why is danko letting him take the thing?
Cara: Yes. I DID miss something
I don't know
Lish: WHAT IS GOING ON
Cara: Why are they still letting Russell Crowe act in things?
Lish: I was just going to say russell crowe better shake his fist at the capitol building in this movie
Cara: His face is displeasing to me
Lish: I enjoyed it before it got quite so wide
Cara: Yeah. It expanded
like a dinosaur spunge
Lish: they don't usually do that SIDEWAYS though
Cara: sponge...
Lish: ..........spunge.
get your coat.
Cara: ...
It's over THERE
Lish: heeeeeeeeeeeeee oh god i can't stop laughing
fucking spunge
Lish: also i thought you'd said dinosaur spooge
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: can't stloop laughin
Cara: Does...does that expand? Like caulk!
Lish: spooge?
Cara: dinosaur...s..you know, it's too close to bedtime for these thoughts
Lish: haven't you ever SEEN ANY?
because I have to say
if I ever saw
an EXPANDING mass
Lish: of DINOSAUR CUM
can't...breathe
Cara: What an awful way to die.
Lish: it'd be all like
Cara: OH GOD STOP
Lish: there'd be this T-Rex flailing its little arms around as the puddle grew and grew
oh god
Cara: STOP
Lish: SNORITNG
can'tstop
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooar!
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: oh god, it hurts
Cara: Ok, Nathan- but- but this happens every season!
He should be used to it by now
Lish: is this like....did they not have time to do a second take?
all the acting is like my 9th grade class
maybe they were too busy hosing off the dinosaur spooge
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeee
DON'T KISS HIM
Lish: KISS HIM
Cara: ...
Lish: FLARE, NOSTRILS!
Cara: Nathan really is a Lego person
Lish: oh god
they should do a special Lego episode
like Angel
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Lish: and when they wanted nathan to fly they could just....throw him...
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Cara: Oh god. Another Petrelli?
Lish: ANOTHER PETRELLI
Cara: Oh. No.
Lish: no
Cara: Because..Angela isn't…
Lish: .....oh. right.
Cara: ...
yeah
Lish: right.
moving on.
Cara: ANYway
Lish: look, a seagull!
Cara: Dooo do doooo
Lish: INAPPROPRIATE GIFT OF NECKLACE
Cara: heeeeeeeeee
Lish: who gets their daughter a heart anything??
Cara: it was the necklace HRG got for her
Lish: also, buying jewelry for chicks who are angry at you isn't what you do with your DAU- oh.
but he's her father too!
Cara: Well, I'm choosing to think she was like, six
Oh great.
Lish: ok what the fuck just happened?
Cara: Now everyone thinks Sylar's dead and he isn't
Lish: WHO"S THAT
Cara: He'll be even more annoying
Lish: ohhhhhh, so
Cara: The shapeshifter
Lish: but. so danko has Gone Rogue?
Cara: God, I don't know
Depends on the week, probably
Lish: so they just had to stay in that church all night? were they hiding from vampires?
Cara: Well. Danko
I bet that's Sylar
sigh
Lish: Wow. how genetically and thermodynamically probable.
Cara: Sylar is totally the type of guy to shapeshift into a chick and sweettalk himself in the mirror
Lish: or
well
you know
Cara: Yeah.
Lish: with his boobies.
Cara: He'd make himself work for it first
Lish: HEEEEE
Cara: He's a lot of things, Lish, but he isn't a FLOOZY
Lish: I am really disturbed by both of us right now.
really, severely disturbed.
Cara: More than usual?
Lish: yes, actually
Cara: Huh. Well. I guess we...accomplished something
Lish: I.....
Lish: so I can write this up as a productive evening?
Cara: ...best to do that and never speak of it again
Lish: see, it's very rare that i wish we were actually in each other's presence but right now we have to be, because we both have to pause, turn, and awkwardly walk away from each other
Cara: heeeeeee
Lish: I think I have done just about as much with my brain as I want to this day.
Thus I shall bid you good evening.
Cara: Farewell, shrew
Lish: adios, cunt
Cara: CuntLY
Lish: oh crap what was the other one?
Cara: I don't care for nicknames.
Lish: the newer one?
Cara: Oh, god.
NO idea
Lish: shit.it was good, too
oh well. Caroline Lady-Cunt
Cara: sounds like the name of a chick in a fantasy novel
Lish: oh god
danielle steele
Lady Caroline Lady-Cunt looked out over the lush green dales of her ancestral home
Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Though Lady-Cunt sounds more like a title
Lish: Jamington, the horse-groomer, arose- true
Cara: Lady-Cunt of Devonshire, she is
Lish: HEE
I hate us
Cara: That makes so many of us
Lish: ................gaaaaaaaaah
that's all recursive
Cara: I'm...I'm gonna go now
Lish: I.........I have to go
I.........oh
Cara: As do I
Lish: yes.
Cara: Right.
Lish: Right.
Cara: Good bye.
Lish: Good bye.
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