The Burning

Cara: good lord, childcare is expensive
Lish: ?
Cara: people should just eat their young. [employer] gives you a $3000 or $5000 credit based on income for childcare
That is AH month of daycare
Lish: AH month!?
Lish: ................... wolves can raise children, you know
Cara: God, seriously. For daycare for one child. The teachers who actually take care of the kids get paid next to nothing, so who the hell is getting all that money and can I have it?
Lish: you cannot
Cara: But!
Lish: but me no buts, I do not like your face
Cara: but!
Lish: your face is a butt!
PM Cara: MEAN
Lish: YES THAT IS WHAT I MEAN
Cara: YOU ARE a MEAN PERSON IS WHAT I MEAN
Lish: I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU MEAN
Cara: DO YOU REALLY
Lish: I DO
Cara: I AM GLAD
I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE HAD A CONNECTION YOU SEE
Lish: FINE
I TOO HAVE FELT THIS
Cara: I AM GLAD OF THIS AS WELL
Lish: DOWN IN THE COCKLES OF MY VARIOUS THINGS

Cara: THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT SHOULD BE A PART OF A SHOE
Lish: MY VARIOUS COCKLES WOULD BE A GREAT BAND NAME
Cara: I THOUGHT ONE JUST HAD HEART COCKLES THOUGH
Lish: THEY ARE THE MOST OFT REFERENCED COCKLES
Cara: ARE THERE BRAIN COCKLES
Lish: THERE ARE
I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT WHEN WE TALK LIKE THIS WE BOTH AUTOMATICALLY CEASE USING PUNCTUATION
DEEP SUSTAINED BOOM TALK NEEDS NO PUNCTUATION
Lish: WE ARE A TUBA
ALSO I REQUIRE GUMMI BEARS
POSTHASTE
Cara: ARE YOU GOING TO STICK THEM TO YOUR SCREEN?
Lish: OOH I MIGHT
Cara: OH THERE I GO PUNCTUATING
Lish: YOU FOOL YOU MAD FOOL YOU RUINED IT JUST WHEN EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL
Cara: BITCH I DON'T KNOW
Lish: GODDAMNIT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT MY PROBLEMS
Cara: AAAAAAAAAH A MOTH
Lish: AAAHHHHHHHH
Cara: IT SMELLS LIKE BURNING IN HERE
Lish: BURNINATE
……OH NO
I HAVE COMMITTED AN ERROR
Cara: !
Lish: I HAD TACOS FOR LUNCH FORGETTING THAT I HAD PREVIOUSLY PURCHASED THE MAKINGS OF TACOS FOR DINNER
Cara: OH NO
Lish: YES
Cara: MAKE A TOSTADA
IT'S LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING I SWEAR
Lish: ALL I HAVE ARE TACO MAKINGS
IT'S LIKE TOTALLY NOT
Cara: THEY'RE BASICALLY JUST FLAT TACOS
BUT TOTALLY DIFFERENT
Lish: I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER TACO
TACO IS A ONCE A DAY LIKE PIZZA
ONLY GOOD FIRST TIME
Cara: I DON'T KNOW. ONCE MY FRIEND AND I HAD PIZZA FOR DINNER AND THEN WE WERE BORED SO WE HAD SECOND DINNER WITH SOME MORE PIZZA
Lish: I CANNOT DO THIS THING
Cara: IT WAS MORE LIKE A REDO
Lish: THE TASTE DETECTORS GET SHUT DOWN AFTER ONE EATING OF A THING
Cara: ALSO WE'D BEEN DRINKING
DEAR GOD WHO IS BURNING THINGS
Lish: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE BEGINNING OF A PRAYER IF IT HAD COMMAS
Cara: IT SMELLS LIKE WHEN WE TRIED TO MAKE JIFFY POP IN THE FIREPLACE
Lish: DEAR GOD WHO IS BURNING THINGS, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE MY SHOE COLLECTION, ALTHOUGH YOU MUST OF COURSE DO AS YOU SEE FIT
Cara: HEEE
Lish: I WONDER IF SOME KIND OF ALGORITHM COULD BE CREATED TO EXPLAIN WHY EXACTLY WE SOMETIMES BOTH FEEL THE NEED TO SWITCH TO DEEP BOOMING NOISE CAPS
IT SEEMS ORGANIC AND I WANT IT EXPLICATED
Cara: IT SEEMS TO START OFF AS YELLING
Lish: LET ME SCROLL
AH YES
YOUR FACE IS A BUTT
Cara: SHUT YOUR WORDHOLE
Lish: NO I WAS REPEATING THE PHRASE THAT GOT US HERE
Cara: I KNOW I AM JUST SAYING
Lish: FINE FINE
I WOULD LIKE RICE PUDDING
Cara: I ALWAYS THINK I WOULD AND THEN I REMEMBER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Lish: YOU ARE FOUL
SOME OF THE THINGS YOU EAT ARE FAR WORSER LITTLE GIRL
Cara: I JUST MEAN IT LOOKS LIKE GROSS SOGGY NASTINESS
Lish: UH HUH
Cara: ITS LIKE MY THING WITH OATMEAL
AND BANANAS
Lish: WHICH ALSO YOU ARE A FOOL FOR
Cara: I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE SQUISHINESS
Lish: BANANAS FRIGHTEN ME FOR I SUSPECT THEY HAVE TOO MUCH POTASSIUM
PM CAN WE STOP BOOMING NOW
Cara: Yeah, sure
Lish: davesecretary is going to sue us
even though we were doing it first
Cara: I keep typing my spreadsheet in caps
Lish: i wonder if there's an app for making your iphone a mirror
Cara: I don't think so
Lish: well get ON it
Cara: I get irritated programming my alarm clock!
Lish: I'm the one who put the video into the microwave
or was that you
or did we put a sandwich into the vcr?
i am hazy on this
Cara: I think we started to put the video in the microwave instead of the popcorn
Lish: oh yes
Cara: and then decided we might as well put the popcorn in the VCR
..we have popcorn issues
Lish: see- that makes sense to me
Cara: Well, the slot is exactly the right size!
Lish: ....mustn't
don't give me straight lines like that
red flag, bull
Cara: There's no other word to use!
Lish: in....put
input interface
Cara: ...right
Lish: horizontal input interface
Cara: that sounds like what nerds call it!
Lish: in what crazy ass alternate universe are we not nerds?
Cara: We're not like, number nerds
Lish: ah
there are no numbers in ‘horizontal input interface’ though
Cara: But it sounds like something a math or computer nerd would say rather than a grammar nerd
Lish: true
one should not cross the streams
Cara: That would be bad
Lish: it would be bad
I really need to say something about frogurt right now
Cara: That's good!
Lish: but it's not an entirely fitting quote
Cara: That's bad
Lish: but it did move the conversation along nicely
Cara: That's good!
Lish: I hate us
Cara: Are we full of sodium benzoate?
Lish: that would be bad
Cara: and full circle
Lish: OH GOD THIS IS SOME KIND OF CONVERSATION ORUBOUROS
Cara: HEEEEEEE
Lish: change the subject
Cara: I would like a pair of crutches
Lish: you would use them to hurt others
Cara: I wanna swing around on them
Lish: that too
Cara: Only unintentionally
Lish: they hurt your underarms
Cara: And you know I'd need some childmidget crutches
Lish: you do have circus stuntchild arms. I like to imagine you flailing ineffectually at things, always two inches from where you need to be
Cara: That's usually how it works, actually
Lish: it's like you know that game where someone puts their hand on your forehead and extends their arm and you have to lean forward and try to hit them, your WHOLE LIFE is like that
Cara: I often flail my arm around trying to find the remote without uprooting the cat on my torso and it's SO CLOSE
Lish: Oh god the image I have of you right now is so sad I almost want to cry.
Cara: heeeeeeeeeee
Lish: you can do it, little.......thing! some kind of engine. or duckling
or another little thing that tries so hard. IS THIS WHAT YOU HUMANS CALL EMPATHY?
i want to cry for you
Cara: DO IT
FILM IT
Lish: can't...........
Cara: I WILL SELL THE FILM TO YOUR ENEMIES FOR CASH MONIES
Lish: can't...do it.......I cried at the end of Wall-E and that used up my tear quotient for the year!
point of order
Wall-E or Wall-e?
Cara: I..hmm
It's actually WALL-E
Lish: well then
I was wrong no matter what I did?
Cara: Yes. Yes it was
There's beauty in that, Lish
Lish: come here
come right over here and stand right there
Cara: You'll hit me
NO
Lish: I promise I won't
just come right over here
Cara: lies.
NO
Lish: and stand on this part of the floor. that does not in any way look like a trapdoor
Cara: I'm not falling down the Corpse Hatch!
Lish: it's just odd molding, I swear
Cara: Is it wainscotting?
Lish: .....on the FLOOR?
man I'm going to tell mom you said that. she'll bite your hands off
Cara: There's not exactly molding on the floor either
Lish: there COULD be
Cara: Not really ever
Lish: yes really ever uhuh
Cara: NO
Lish: at versailles, I bet there was
Cara: And look what happened to them.
Lish: how is that relevant?
Cara: Hard to enjoy elaborate floors when you've not got a head
It's a Lesson Learned
Lish: ...what's that thing when you mistake a part for a whole?
Cara: It's not synecdoche!
Lish: because I have to say, the incongruity of floor molding would be like the................5840538th thing bothering me if I DIDN'T HAVE A HEAD
Cara: I don't think anything would bother me if I didn't have a head
Because I wouldn't be alive
Lish: I"m working on that.
Lish: Also there was this guy
he was alive for a while after being decapitated
I read about it on the Internet
Cara: Uh huh
Lish: huhuh!
Cara: It's not like it would hurt
He wouldn't have a brain
Lish: uh
have you ever heard of phantom limbs?
you'd have a whole phantom BODY
Cara: His nerves would not be connected to his nervous system
Lish: SEE ABOVE
all's you need's the brain
Cara: Oh, whatever, you live for like twenty seconds at the most if you're just a head
Lish: I'm just saying that would be a fucking long twenty seconds
Cara: You'd be in shock and wouldn't know what was going on
Lish: I think you'd think what was going on was I ABRUPTLY DO NOT HAVE A BODY AND PUT IT BACK PLEASE