Oh, Jeebus

Lish: http://www.metafilter.com/75267/Collaborative-handwritten-Bible-created-across-America
oh, do let's go!
Cara: ...can we make up verses?
Lish: that's what i wanna know
Cara: Because I have a few things to say about Isaiah!
Lish: and in the beginning, there was Lish
Cara: heeee 'No, seriously. Are you calling Jesus a LIAR?'
Lish: "and the LORD spoke to Elijah, saying I do believe that is rather the nicest hat I've ever known"
Cara: heeeeeee
Lish: "now I am going to smite you for NO RAISIN"
Cara: 'And Cain said unto Abel, I am taking my ball and I am GOING HOME'
Lish: "and lot's wife looked upon the ruins of her home and yea verily did speak and say, this is why we can't have nice things"
Cara: And Job looked to the angel and he did tilt his head and ask, 'REALLY?''
Lish: heee
and the angel did say....er yeah, sorry about that, but I have some lovely antiquarian books you could purchase
Cara: heeee
Cara: And Jesus looked upon the twelve apostles at the last supper and did say 'One of you will betray me' and they did all look around nervously, and Jesus did say 'So we have to play 20 questions one more time before I'm crucified'

Lish: HAH
Cara: And the apostles did groan
Lish: and Judas did say, that doesn't count as one game! that counts as one ROUND
Cara: And then everyone knew who would betray Jesus
Lish: and why jesus deserved it
Cara: I like this bible way better than that other bible
Lish: and paul did write unto the corinthians, let me tell you about this thing I thought up while I was in the pool
and the corinthians were wroth
Cara: and Thomas said, you did not, because he doubted shit
Lish: and paul said oh yes I did, asshole, because paul is kind of a dick
Cara: Remember that time I was reading the Color of Water for school and you threw it into the pool to find out what the color of water is?
Lish: HAH!!!
i'm so fucking awesome
and weirdly enough i do actually remember that
Cara: I had to explain to my english teacher why my book was four times its size
Lish: ..........said paul
Cara: And that was my first day at Valley
Lish: and the corinthians spake unto paul saying, WHY do we have to build a bridge across the pool and put a barbecue on it
Cara: And Paul said, because it's awesome
Lish: and the corinthians said, but
and paul said, don't argue with me
Cara: And the Corinthians said 'Why are we even READING this?'
Lish: and they threw it into the pool
and paul did become tetchy
Lish: and spake unto them, saying and NOW thee will not get to play with Tube!
and the corinthians pointed out that Tube! had been smoted by spiders by the LORD in retaliation for the Unpleasantness
Cara:[simultaneously] And God decided that that was not good enough and punished Tube! with a plague of spiders
Lish: and Tube! cried out saying jeez, what did I ever do to you
and torpedo bob did rail against the lord, and there was much rending of garments
Cara: And Torpedo Bob said quietly I'm still here!
And the two floats were used to make a rudimentary wave machine, and it was good
Lish: and paul said let's play catch. but the corinthians didn't want to play because even in the shallow end they were most of the way underwater
Cara: [simultaneously] And the Corinthians said we've not got enough of a shallow end for games
Lish: HEEEEE
Cara: HEEE
Lish: ok we're AWESOME
Lish: and the corinthians hung out by the stairs, flailing their arms around
and paul did hide behind the screen door, yea, for there was a big dragonfly
Cara: And then a bee did come and the Corinthians did jump into the pool to get away and cut their fucking foot on the stairs and that really hurt
Lish: no..wait was that me?
i'm paul
Cara: No, that was me
Lish: you're the entire city of cor- oh ok
usually bee-avoidance would be me
Cara: Maybe it was a horsefly
I really hate horseflies
Lish: and then Paul did become tired of the giant dragonfly and did smack it with the pool strainer, and there was a Big Noise, but not a Joyful one
it was a horsefly