So, news. At last I have news. After lingering in some sort of pseudo-limbo area between temping in new york and working in a fucking flower-shop-cum-reptile-rescue store in CT, I now once again have news which requires me to do the Jitterbug. I do not, in fact, care that the Jitterbug has not been danced for 90-some-odd years. I have revived it for this specific occasion. So get this.
I have, through a random sequence of events, landed the World's Best Job. I'll let the Crustacean fill you in on the details because when she tells the story it sounds cool, but when I tell it it sounds like bragging.
Suffice it to say that I now have the World's Best Job and can _finally_ move to NY permanently. I shall be living in Brooklyn. I shall be making obscene amounts of money, the likes of which you, with your puny little minds, cannot begin to comphrehend. I shall also be having a job whose hours require that I arrive at the office at 7:30 each morning. I have not quite wrapped my mind around this, except to say that for 50 grand a year, I will gladly and enthusiastically curtail my normal evening activities.
To be honest- all I have to say right now is that you all have no idea how amazing this job is, and how much fun it's going to be. I have finally been recognized as a Superior Intellect.
And I will be telling myself that everyday when I wake up at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning. But right now I'm too happy to care. More later.
PS Metro North should market itself as some sort of exo-coney-island freakshow. And also...other things, none of which matter, because I'm going off to get drunk because a year of cruising the Economy of Hell has somehow yielded the Fuck You I'm Rich Dream Job.
Eat it.
Mehahwahahahhaahahahahhaaaaaahha.

PS HAH!! It is now a year after this post so I can say HAH! with perfect aplomb and justification because boy, what a gullible little tard _I_ was. The whole saga deserves a post of its own, so for now suffice it to say that this job screwed me harder than a bus full of frat boys and didn't even buy me dinner first. But I actually do have a pretty decent job now, so everything worked out ok. I didn't even have to kill all that many people.