Look! Look here, lookie-loos. Everything...clean, everything...new....
I think this conversation happened about three months ago. I'm not sure, and I don't care. We are timeless.
(The dignity-free slushie is a dinosaur. But you could tell that, right? Because of the lack of dignity.)

Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I caught your sunburn
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i'm contagious?
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Apparently. I didn't even notice, but everyone who walks by stops and goes 'Oh my god. Your back!'
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
are you sure they don't mean you've returned, and they just have bad grammar?
Dignity Free Slushie says:
I'm sure I hate you
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
you think you know everything. but you don't. You don't.
Dignity Free Slushie says:
Sure I do
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
Don’t
Dignity Free Slushie says:
Do
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
you lie
Dignity Free Slushie says:
Never
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
you are a lying liar who tells lies
Dignity Free Slushie says:
My name needs a hyphen, doesn't it?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
yes
Dignity Free Slushie says:
Sigh
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
but it also contains fabulosity
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I know
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i saw a rat explode today
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
....do you think that's something I want to know?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
do you think your wants interest me in the slightest?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
it popped
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
LALALALA I can't...see...you
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
and then half of it shot out and stuck to the top of the cage. and its heart was still beating and you could see it pumping because when it popped all the skin came off.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Why the hell were you exploding a rat?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
a snake was eating it
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Lovely
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
it really wasnt
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
You ok? You want a soda?
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Actually, I do But. I'm not going down to the basement
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
that's where hugo lives
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Yes. Hugo the Vending Machine
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
Mr Vending?
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Yes.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
questions make god angry
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
You'd know
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
because i am He
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Uh huh
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
what was i watching the other night, there was this line..
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
something like "i really admire your ability to be personally offended by broad social trends"
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Ha!
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I've seen that too, I think
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I'd go to bed but that would make tonight even lamer than it already was
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
yes
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i shall entertain you
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
look, i'm doing a dance!
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
That worries me.
Stop waving your arms, someone could lose an eye
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
someone meaning...that lamp over there?
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Well. Maybe no one you can SEE
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
believe me. there being an invisible person in this room is something that is FAR too interesting to actually happen to me
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I bet he'd be really boring
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
he'd read reader's digest
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
and talk about dolphins and such
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
And eat Wonder bread with mayonnaise
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
dipped in a glass of tepid water
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Oh man, today I was walking, like I do and there was this old man in this gorgeous BMW convertible and he had a bowler hat and was smoking a pipe. It was lovely and wrong
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
that's wonderufl
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
heee
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Heee
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
today i had to stop for directions, as was making a delivery for the garden, and i stopped at this house and there were these two old, really old, i mean late 80's, sitting on their porch, chain smoking and drinking martinis
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
they just sat there and bitched at each other.
they let me use their phone
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Ha!
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
it was surreal and beautiful. they were great. i mean..the bitching put nana and pop to shame
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Wow
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
they were lovely. all "come inside and use our phone, you remind us of our granddaughter, you want a martini?" "shut up nelson, she doesn't want a martini, she has to deliver the flowers" "well excuse me, she's never going to find it with your directions anyway" " i KNOW it's that green house" "shut up you stupid jerk, it's a yellow house" et cetera
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
HA!
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
it was truly a beautiful thing.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
That's lovely
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
they were OLD. i mean, shriveled and wizened old
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I always get the boring old people who stand near me on the T stop because they know I won't steal their wallets
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i think you ought to rectify that
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I really should
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
you and i would be so wonderful in any sort of criminal capacity
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I know. Random people just smile at me on the streets. I could totally scam their asses
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
who would ever suspect us? with our diminutive stature and unthreatening button noses, and attractively slanted eyelids which neatly mask the evil within, we could wreak some serious havoc
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
And now I have freckles, which just add to the illusion
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
as do i
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
If we had girl scout uniforms we could do damage
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
ok, let's go out and buy jansport backpacks and wear ponytails and decimate the population
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
So tempting
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Oh man. I got hit on by a 17 year old today
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
the hell is going on? i got asked out by the 19 YEAR OLD who works at the store
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Hahahahaha
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I was in this cool graveyard because it was all old and there were a bunch of private school boys and one of them said 'Hey baby' and I said 'How OLD are you?' and he said he was seventeen so I said I had to go find some legal boys and he goes 'What, do you like older men or something?' and I yelled 'I'm twenty goddamn years old' and then I had to leave before I hit him with a tombstone
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i'm going to make shirts for us
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
We should
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
they shall say:
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
-I Am Old Enough to Have Birthed You
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
or
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
Eviscerate the Proletariat
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
or perhaps both
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Hee. The second one
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i like subversive crossstitching
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
yes
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
did you see the one with those hands throwing that ball?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
it worries me that i could play with this for a long while
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Yeah, that delayed my essay for a little while
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
we are a goldfish.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Heeee
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
What's the Fn key?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
uh
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i dont even know where that is
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
bottom left
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
hmm
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I'm afraid it's the self destruct key
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i shall have to push it then
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Do so
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
that was much less of a bang than a whimper
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
What'd it do?
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
Absolutely nothing. have you seen this.....random trey parker thing? Jesus.
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
princess?
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Yeah
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
there's dark side and then there's....
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
Someone I Really Don't Actually Want to Ever Date
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Ha
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
dude aww, aww
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
Ok, a new low has been reached. i'm going to go walk around the neighborhood and get bitten by mosquitos or something. sigh.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Bring me aloe
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
yes, i think i saw some of that growing on route 154. right between the sagebrush and the pomegranate trees
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Oh go walk into a lamp post
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
that's what i do on saturday nights. Today is Wednesday.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Well. Practice
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
times like these are when i really wish i did the heroin. everyone should have a hobby
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
hmm. i really wanted to type "hobbit" just there. Interesting.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Heeeeee
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
It's going to suck being home and having nowhere to stumble to drunkenly
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
you can stumble to my room
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
i'll pull my eyelids back and throw noodles at you and you can pretend we’re in Chinatown
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
But that's not the same as stumbling to the Pru and trying the personal alcohol level tester at Brookstone
Or standing across from the Little Building and getting increasingly irate because the person in the seventh floor window wasn't waving back before Drew moved a bit to the left and realized it was a cardboard cutout
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
hah!
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
We were really there for about a half hour and were getting genuinely angry
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
there was a tiger woods cutout on the second floor of chattan that used to taunt us as we walked back home. i called it julia for about a half hour once
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
'Stupid stuckup bitch'
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Hahahhaa
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
ok i'm going to take a bath in the hopes that when i come out there'll be something interesting happening.
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Good luck with that
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
like the way we look in the pantry and then come back in a half hour and look again and lo, there are jelly beans
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
God, that was grand
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
but it's set an unfair standard
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
I know!
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
fucking reality
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
that's what i want on a t shirt. Fuck Reality and Eviscerate the Proletariat
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Or when I don't blowdry my hair so of course boys call, but then when I purposely don't blowdry my hair...no boys
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
otherwise known as the Bikini Line Conundrum
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Yes. Fuckers
Notoriously Pro-Babel says:
well NO, that's the problem
Dignity-Free Slushie says:
Heee