Well, that entire thing was the single best game I have ever seen live. Sublime. Just sublime. I knew Aaron had it in him. I've been saying it for weeks. Ask the dinosaur if you don't believe me. I love the Yankees. I love baseball. I love life. All hail the return of Bucky Fucking Dent.

So the coverage has been much better in the past couple days. It would be beyond even my capacity for hubris and egocentrism to suggest that Monsieur McCarver read this site and decided to clean up his act. See? I AM tethered to reality. But obviously someone spoke to the dude, because it's been, you know, watchable lately.
Also, how much fun was today? Pedro Martinez is such a petulant little twat.

Diatribe.
Why, why why. Why does FOX have the contract to air the playoffs and the series. Well that's a dumb question, they have the contract because they bid approximately a misquillion dollars for it. But...but....why were they even allowed to bid? I mean is there a god or not? I have never ever ever seen coverage this terrible. The camerawork looks like it was done by a Martian, or someone from Wales, or someone else who knew nothing about baseball. They cut away from the ump who's about to reverse the foul call to show a shot of fans in the bleacher seats. They show a replay of an uncontroversial play SIX times. They, being Fox, load the screen with logos and graphics and flashy lights and just general wanking. I know that postseason play is a bit of a spectacle and they want ratings. But this is baseball, not the fucking WWF.
All this, however, is piddling peanuts compared to the commentary. First of all far be it from me to make an assumption but I was under the impression that postseason coverage, as it goes out to a national audience, is supposed to be neutral. And they get- Tim McCarver? Excuse me but wasn't this man _fired_ from an earlier commentating job because he was....terrible? Wasn't it the Yankees who fired him? Why, I believe it was! Yes I'm sure he's neutral. The coverage so far has been so blatantly anti-Yankees that it is unbelievable. And yes, I'm a Yankee fan. But I don't expect the announcers to be pro-NY- i expect them to at least display a semblance of neutrality. It is making me sick. Not only that, but their commentary has been puerile and simplistic and just flat out stupid. And I mean, trailer park-stupid. When they aren't stating the obvious they're getting their facts wrong, and when they're not doing that they're going off on rambling discussions of utterly irrelevant wank like which celebrities they've seen sitting in the front row of basketball games. Watching the game tonight I didn't even notice the Yankees were losing because I was too busy screaming at the announcers.
In sum, I would like to submit a plea to the Commisioner of baseball. Please, please do not let Fox get their grubby little hands on the postseason next year. This is a travesty. And please please, Mr Steinbrenner, go to Congress and get some sort of Constitutional amendment that would ban Fox from ever, ever airing the yanks again. Yankee baseball is one of the last bastions of purity and elegance in this country. Letting the fucking Fox network anywhere near it is like taking the Hope Diamond and painting it hot pink. Or serving truffles to the Osbornes. And to you, Mr Tim McCarver, I say this- you've been fired from announcer jobs twice. Even the METS fired you. Jesus Christ, can you not take a hint? Get off my television before I throw up. Go back to Philadelphia. They have no standards in Pennsylvania.
Oh by the way, the Yankees lost. That kind of blew also.

A baseball post is needed. Firstly, I need to tell you that Susan Waldman makes me want to become a serial killer, so I can only watch her for about five seconds. So I can never stick around to watch the post game show, so I've never heard Aaron Boone talk before. Tonight though, I caught a few minutes of some show on YES, and got to hear Mr Wonderful speak. I am so, so unhappy about this. How incredibly unfortunate is his voice. Very well, I will put it out of my head. I think I've mentioned my little love-hate relationship with reality. Well, good old Aaron's voice is going in the Vault, along with the "Bowling Pin of the Month" photos- damn you, j j abrams.
Other than that, well...let's see. Ok, I've never said this before and I'll never say it again, but I do hope the Red Sox beat Oakland. Only because it's going to be so much fun to cream their lily white asses in the next round. Who has tickets, you ask? Why, I believe that _I_ do. I have to go cackle now.
Also, go here and look at this. Turn your sound way up. www.weebl2.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/data/toons/badger.swf

Oh you sad, sad people. Must I shove my point down your throats? Oh also, while the dinosaur refers to you as the Quintet, I am more cultured and have therefore settled upon the moniker "Security Council" for our exalted Five Readers. I was going to call you the Quincunx, but that's a book and it was crap so, the security council you are.
PS You- you're too young for me. Also, I have in my time known many Evil English Boys and even Evil English Noble Boys. And they are all crap. I find this whole thing pathetic. Having said that, please feel free to email me if you'd like my phone number.
Reality has absolutely no place in my life. I'm not sure if I find this comforting or severely disturbing. Discuss.

Huh. Irony has apparently decided to write Cosmo's 'It's Sexy To Be Single,' column this year. And just in case you're all wondering what happened to dear cynical, evil Irony, the single people bit was sarcastic. I know, it made me want to retch too. But really, she didn't mean it. Though we do enjoy buying school supplies. Especially elementary school supplies because you got to buy shiny new colored pencils and crayons every year because you always lost them. Oh! And stickers. I love me some stickers.
But yes, Irony was being sarcastic. Worry not, faithful quintet of readers.