Okay, so at the request of Dahlink, and to a lesser extent Irony, I'm posting something. A couple months ago, I bought a tin of mints. They were called Enlightenmints and they were tiny and quite strong. Tonight, before I went out I opened the tin and discovered that the mints had grown some kind of clear, fibrous hair. D'you know that Simpsons episode where Lisa creates Lutherans? Yeah, Irony adopted that philosophy. Eventhough I threw the mints away she fished them out of the garbage and made little flags for them that said "We love you, Dinosaur" and put them on my bed. Irony has some serious issues. She thinks she is the god of the mints. That means I'm gonna get the gift certificate. This is after our father personified our fan. He is called Mr. Fan. He wears a hat and likes brownies.
Also, Band of Brothers is fabulous. It should be called "Easy Company: The Hottest Battalion" or "Hot Dark-Haired Boys With Guns: A Retrospective." It's got lovely boys, explosions and no women. By the end of the series almost all of the uglies are weeded out, leaving only the pretty ones. With guns. And humor. And last night after Band of Brothers, Nip/Tuck was on. Have the five of you seen Nip/Tuck? It has two brothers, Doctor Bland and Doctor Yum. Doctor Yum is evil, but we love him anyway. Because he's yummy and we're shallow and attracted to things that are not good for us. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was also on. They're the sweetest bunch of gay men ever. One of them is our cat in human form. We always knew we had a little gay boy cat. Now he's on television.

Ok there was this great post here, about how I was tailed all day by the Firies from Labyrinth and the goddamn Skeksies from the Dark Crystal and also the talking cream puff from Young Sherlock Holmes, and about how this went on for around four hours before I realized I had rather a high fever, and about how the moral of the story was that most people get shivers and sniffles when they're sick, but I get haunted by muppets. And it was beautiful. The Dinosaur, however, vetoed the post on the grounds that, in order to make the narrative flow more pleasing, I took a bit where I played a song on CD and changed it to it having been played on the radio. Apparently the rusty little alethiometer in her head clanged or something, and she's been guilting me about lying to the blog. A little ditty about pots, kettles, and their exchange of color-related insults does come to mind, but I am far too holy to stoop to such a level. I am the God of the Mints. The greatest thing about that statement is that nobody, anywhere, ever, will actually be able to disprove it.
On another note...Band of Brothers. Yes. And yes again. That casting director is going to have my babies. On anotherother note, here's what I've learned from Nip/Tuck. You can have 19th-century muttonchops, a receding hairline, and a penchant for bright orange shirts, but NONE of this matters if you have lovely squinty eyes and a soul of pure evil. Boy readers, take note of this. There is hope.

Right. My computer is a wretched, despicable trumped-up toaster. I want to shove an english muffin in the disk drive. Every damn diddly picture that I've taken on my digital camera for the past year is gone. Every song I downloaded. Bye bye, songs. But geeyarr, those were some mighty fine pirates. And also, I want some pasta sausage. And a strawberry tart.

Dear 7 People Who Read This Thing,
Please click on our WMD donation button doohicky. If we get enough donations we get a snazzy prize, and then we will do something for YOU. What, you ask? Well we can't tell you. But just sit back and imagine how wondrously funky and apocalicious your reward will be. Go on, imagine.

Ahhh, summer. Isn't summer great? I think this whole global warming thing has gotten a bad rap and I'd like to set the record straight. Assuming that all the hype about global warming is true, well...what's the big deal, bitch? I LOVE this. I say let it continue! We could take boats everywhere instead of driving and we'd be tan all year round and also thin because it's too hot to eat anything but smoked salmon and ice cream sandwiches. Um, not at the same time. And everywhere would have that great sultry Tennesee-Williamsesque weather, and we could lounge about in February wearing sun dresses and drinking mint juleps and fanning ourselves idly with the golden tresses of lanky shirtless men and....uh, got carried away. What was my point? Oh yes. This post is directed mainly at The Chump, who in particular has no reason to bitch as he's got central air. What's the problem with it being hot? Bakingly, ear-meltingly, running-around-on-mercury-while-wearing-wool hot. Do you people not remember winter? Do you not remember it SUCKING? Snow is fun for exactly the length of time needed to build a two-headed snowman with angry eyebrows, and then it's just sludge. Cold is just....it just sucks. I don't even want to bother describing how it sucks. I'm going to go to the North Pole with a thousand cases of pre- CFC laws hairspray, and I'm just going to go to town. Yes the Ozone layer was nice, but it's time to live in the Now. Embrace the horror, my fellow mammals- go buy a boat and a straw hat and quit complaining. Ok, I have to go. It's way too damn hot to sit around in this stuffy room.

Ok well, have taken down the Pisshead thing as its author was not amused. Hrmph. I'd have been honored, but what are you gonna do. Going off to sulk in the pool.
You can't really sulk when you're lying in a pool, can you? You can just, maybe, sort of....bask in a disgruntled fashion. Yes. Well that's what I'm going to do.

[DELETED!!]

Lies. All lies. I am not insane.
On a completely unrelated note, we should really bring back the Reaching Dowel. Remember the Reaching Dowel? Whatever happened to that? I'm sick of having to move to get things. Things should come to ME.

Yeah. She really is that insane. And can I just say that my dancing Strong Bad icon fills me with great joy? As does his exclamation of 'Oooh, electronic mail,' everytime I get an email. And who's that guy? You know, that guy. No, not Eleanor.

Today A Person, nickname to be decided later, told me I was a cock. He also told me I was crap. He wanted a mention on this page, although I can't imagine why as nobody ever gets referred to here unless they've done something horribly, horribly wrong. So let's see. Nope, he hasn't done anything obnoxious in at least the past two years. Although he does get turned on by libraries, and he's afraid of extinct fish. So I suppose he's weird enough to talk about for a while. Ok, Person, I'm going to call you Coin Toss Boy for now. Happy?