I don't know where the friggidyfuck Irony is. Maybe she wandered into the wardrobe again. She does that sometimes. Anyway, my First Amendment midterm is tomorrow so I hope you'll all allow me the opportunity to rant (Ha! You have to! Because there's nothing you can do to stop me. And even if you tried, you couldn't. Because my rights are protected by the First Amendment. So take that, bitches.)
Right. Anyway. I hate the First Amendment. I also hate the Fourth Amendment. And the Tenth Amendment. And sometimes the Fourteenth Amendment. And Article I, section 8 and all of Article III of the Constitution. I hate the Supreme Court. Schenck? Yeah, I hate you. And you, Gitlow. And you, Terminiello. Oh, and Pentagon Papers? I hate you most of all. I hate actual malice and seditious libel. I hate reasonable accuracy and schoolchildren who wear black armbands to school to protest the Vietnam War and get suspended and take their cases to courts. I hate the fact that last night I dreamt about Near v. Minnesota. My dreams are places for spinning green paper plates and villains that turn into donuts! They are not a place for the Constitution and public nuisance laws! Ever!
I can just picture my professor, that wily mix of Lewis Black and Toby Zeigler and The Almighty Prince of Darkness, rubbing his hands together and cackling with glee at the fates of the twenty students that were too stubborn to drop his class. I can see him thinking up vague, muddy questions about the legal reasoning of New York Times vs. The United States when there IS no legal reasoning. I can see him filling up his fountain pen with the red, red blood of former students so that he can slash our answers and place angry question marks next to our creative language.
I can see it all now!
Err. Yeah...I'm gonna go buy some cookies. And move to Cuba, where they don't have no stinkin' freedom.